One Last Glass to Myself

3: 3

Percival frowned, watching me with an edge of displeasure. "Celeste, since when did you get so suspicious of everything?"

"The three of us have hung out together since college, all these years. What's the big deal about sharing a bite of ice cream?"

Lottie put on her own wounded, innocent look.

"Right, Celeste. If Percy and I actually had something going on, we'd have gotten together back in college."

Right. We were college classmates. Seven years of friendship.

Back then, Percival, Lottie, and I were all in the campus radio club.

I joined first, and later Lottie said she joined too, just to keep me company.

Lottie knew I liked Percival.

He was cheerful, always joking around, always yanking girls' hair.

It sounds ridiculous now, but I bought the best-smelling shampoo and hair mist,

all in the hope that Percival might come tug on my braid.

Lottie went out of her way to push us together, finding chances to seat me next to him.

But I was too shy and too scared, hardly able to look him in the eye.

I could only watch Lottie roughhouse with him without a care.

I poured all my secret feelings into scripts and read them on the radio club broadcast.

Little by little, the whole school knew the radio club had a talented girl who wrote beautifully.

Christmas of junior year, Percival crossed half the campus through a sky full of snow, carrying a bouquet of red roses, and confessed to me.

My head went blank. I asked him, "Are you really confessing to me? I thought you liked Lottie..."

He pulled me into his arms, his voice gentle. "Silly. Why would I ever like a girl like her?"

"Lottie's too much of a show-off, and she's high-maintenance. I only like you. You're quiet and understanding. You're the one I want to spend my life with."

Back then I was drowning in happiness, believing every word.

Quiet and understanding.

Those four words turned into a leash I've worn for seven years.

Because of those four words, I made allowances for Lottie more times than I could count.

I let it slide when she called Percival in the middle of the night to come pick her up. I let it slide when she got sick and he stayed at her side all night.

There was even one New Year's Eve when we were playing a game,

and Percival actually dug up the diary where I'd written about my crush on him, and read it out loud right in front of Lottie.

I was mortified and furious, and the two of them just roared with laughter.

What did he ever think my feelings for him were worth?

"I'm tired. I want to go lie down for a while." I stood up.

"Go on, go on, get some rest." Percival waved me off, then turned to Lottie. "So, the two of us hit that new sushi place tonight? You've been going on about it for days."

"Yes, yes!" Lottie clapped happily.

I got up quietly, walked into the bedroom, and shut the door.

That sushi place. I'd made a reservation there ages ago.

But Percival kept putting me off with one excuse after another, dragging it out until now.

Three years together, one year married,

and we'd never once eaten a proper meal at a decent restaurant.

Did he just not want to go, or did he not want to go with me?

The thought pushed me past what I could stand, and I finally opened the door and walked back out.