No Room for Forgiveness

I was disgusted by the sight of how smug Zelda and her son looked.

At this point, I was done with seeing them affectionate with each other. Besides, I was still worried about Ava, who was at home.

When I got back home again, Ava was still next to my body. Her eyes were red like she had just cried. She even brought her favorite bunny plushie to my side. The bunny was made of cheap material that caught dust, and I had always forbade her from sleeping with it because of hygiene concerns.

To convince her to give it to me, I would tell her that I liked the bunny too so that she would hand it over. It was usually not very effective. She would cry and throw a round of tantrums before finally relenting.

And now, she lifted my arm that had turned stiff and stuffed her most precious bunny into my hands.

She then murmured, “Mommy, you can have Bunny. I don’t want it anymore. Please don’t be angry at me.”

She then wrapped herself around my arms. “Mommy, you can sleep with Bunny. Will you forgive me after you wake up?”

I could feel my tears fall and vanish in the air. My silly, darling daughter assumed that I was only sleeping because I was upset with her. Why would I ever be upset with her?

I regretted marrying and relocating so far away from home. I also regretted all the times I forgave Eliott.

However, I never regretted giving birth to Ava. She was the light of my life, the only consolation during my roughest days. Without Ava, there would not be anything worth holding onto in this world.

I wanted to reach for her and take her into my arms. However, my phantom arms merely phased through her body, and she could not feel my touch.

When I was alive, I could feel her warmth just by reaching out. Now, I could no longer touch her.

She finally fell asleep leaning against me.

It was autumn and the nights were colder than usual. At one point, she startled herself awake with a sneeze. Her nose was red, and I could tell that she was falling sick.

Despite that, she ignored the discomfort. Her first thought was to inspect me.

Bunny slipped from my hands and dropped to the floor. She burst into tears when she saw the plushie that was just as lifeless as me drop onto the floor.

Then, she began to shake me while dribbling snot, “Mommy, even if you don’t want me anymore, why don’t you want Bunny?”

At this point, she must have realized that something was wrong with me. She reached forward and touched me on my forehead. “Mommy, you must be sick too. I know you’re not ignoring me. When I was sick, you always stayed by my side to take care of me. Now, it’s my turn to take care of you.”

With that, she tried to drag my body back to the bedroom. She must have thought I would be able to get better rest in the bed rather than on the couch. It was the best way for me to recover.

However, she was too weak to manage the hefty task. She had not had anything to eat for an entire day and had to give up after several tries. From her abnormally flushed cheeks, I could tell she was beginning to develop a fever.

I anxiously circled in the air and begged her to call her father. I had taught her to call her father if she was ever in trouble.

Perhaps she heard my cry or not, but either way, she suddenly ran to get the phone.

“I’m sorry for being useless, Mommy. I’ll call Daddy to help.”

I heaved a sigh of relief. Great, as long as Eliott would come home. Everything would be fine. He may hate me, but surely he would not abandon his birth daughter.

Ava dialed the number she had memorized, but the call disconnected on the second ring.

I could feel my heart drop right then and there. In the past, I would have been very upset, but now, all I did was plead and pray that Eliott would answer the call.

Ava did not give up and dialed again.

After a wait that seemed like forever, the call finally connected.

Eliott impatiently grumbled into the phone, “Anne, what is your problem? Shouldn’t you know that I’m busy?”

“Daddy, it’s me.”