My Mother’s Favorite Lesson Killed Me

Mom and Dad only had eyes for each other's kids.

If you buy my daughter a new dress today, I'll get your son new shoes tomorrow. However good you are to my child, I'll be just as good to yours.

Perfectly balanced.

They hadn't planned on having another baby.

But as Ethan and Chloe got older, they developed minds of their own. They weren't afraid of their biological parents anymore—they were getting out of control.

Mom could manage Ethan. Dad could handle Chloe. That was the only way to get them to listen.

Being a stepparent is hard. You can't discipline too harshly, not unless you want people calling you an abuser.

I can't come down hard on my stepkid, but surely I can do it to my own flesh and blood.

That's the kind of thinking I was born into.

Even my name was a reminder for them to treat each other's children well.

Lily Harper.

A surname from each parent. A lazy, thoughtless name.

I was their second child together, sandwiched between Ethan and Chloe like the filling in a cookie—present, but easily overlooked.

They'd already gotten used to loving the older two more. What was left for me was barely anything at all.

But whenever Ethan or Chloe messed up? I was the one who got screamed at. Hit.

The louder I cried, the longer they'd behave.

Mom called it "killing the chicken to scare the monkeys."

But I wasn't a chicken. I was a person.

Mom brought dinner to the table. Ethan's face was pale, his hands shaking so badly he could barely hold his chopsticks.

He must have told Chloe what happened. She sat as far from Mom as possible, trembling.

They were both terrified.

Mom didn't see it that way. She thought her discipline had worked beautifully—both kids were finally obedient.

She served everyone rice and gave them their favorite dishes.

Ethan used to throw tantrums, refusing to eat anything Mom put on his plate. She'd have to coax him into every bite.

Not this time. He ate everything she gave him without a word. Even the foods he hated—he swallowed them without hesitation.

Mom and Dad exchanged a look, satisfied smiles spreading across their faces.

I heard Mom whisper to Dad:

"If I'd known sending Lily away would make them behave, I would've done it years ago."

Dad nodded in agreement.

I floated nearby, staring at the food on the table, feeling nothing at their words.

I was already dead. What did it matter?

At mealtimes, I was never allowed to take any of Ethan or Chloe's favorite dishes.

If I grabbed even one bite, their portions would be short, and Mom and Dad would fight over whose kid was being cheated.

It violated their sacred rule of fairness.

So I only ever ate what they didn't want.

Now they didn't have to worry anymore. The balance would never tip again.

A scene I'd witnessed countless times suddenly felt unbearable. I couldn't watch anymore.

I drifted back to find my body.

The blood had dried. Everything around me was pitch black. I had no idea when—or if—anyone would discover I was dead.

I wandered aimlessly for a while before heading home.

When I got back, Ethan and Chloe were both crying, begging Mom.

"Mom, we'll be good. Please bring her back, okay?"

Ethan held out his piggy bank.

"Mom, you can have all my savings. My New Year's money is in there too. Is this enough to get that lady to send her home?"

He looked up at Mom, eyes full of hope.

Dad sighed and turned to Mom.

"Maybe we should—"

He was about to suggest bringing me back. But Mom had finally gotten the two of them under control. She wasn't about to let this opportunity slip away.

She wanted to break them in properly.