My Love Was Gone

The torrential rain left me with a high fever for three days.

My body felt like it was burning in a raging fire, with a burning pain seeping through my bones.

In my feverish delirium, I dreamt once more of the abandoned factory.

Jacob was covered in blood, cried, and called for me.

I struggled to reach out, mumbling, "Jacob…"

The door burst open.

Rodger stood at the door, and his face was full of disgust. "Nicole, you did this on purpose, didn't you? You used the dead boy to morally blackmail me and make me feel guilty?"

I opened my eyes to see his face, brimming with impatience.

In the past, he had held me and warmed my stomach with his hands throughout the night when I was curled up in pain from my period.

Now, as I lay on the brink of death, he thought I was just acting.

I said nothing and mustered the strength to fetch an IV needle and medication from the medical kit under the bed.

I inserted the needle deftly, having the cold liquid flow through my veins.

Just then, my phone vibrated.

It was an encrypted message confirming my return time. "Twenty-four hours from now. "

I removed the needle and dressed in black.

On my last day before departure, I visited the cemetery.

In front of Jacob's tombstone, I gently brushed the dust off his photo with my fingers. "Jacob, wait for me."

On the way home, the car passed by the city's largest maternity store.

I saw Rodger with Jolene clinging to his arm.

He held a tiny pair of yellow baby shoes. He looked so tender.

He only wore that expression in front of Jacob and me in the past.

Watching Rodger carefully support Jolene, I remembered when Jacob first called him "Daddy."

He had held Jacob as gently as he was doing now.

Now, he was about to have another baby.

I didn't get out of the car. I just watched and then turned the car around and drove away.

That evening, Rodger returned home with Jolene.

They both looked joyful.

While Rodger went to the kitchen to get some water, Jolene sidled up to me and proudly caressed her still-flat belly.

"I'm pregnant," she whispered. "Rodger is very happy."

She expected to see me break down, but I merely looked at her calmly.

Her smug expression faltered.

Late at night, I entered the study and opened the safe.

I took out the divorce papers I had prepared long ago, signed my name at the bottom, and left a red mark with my fingerprint.

I put Jacob's ashes into a locket and wore it close to my skin like a necklace.

It was still dark.

I took one last look at Rodger, who was still sleeping.

I didn't hesitate or look back.

I quietly closed the door, leaving my marriage and the first half of my life behind.