Missed and Regret

The wine steak was delicious.

I had two plates of it and felt content even though Shawn had stood me up again.

Shawn returned home in the middle of the night.

He noticed that the lights in the hallway and living room were off.

In our six years of marriage, whenever he went out drinking or socializing, no matter how late, I would always prepare hangover medicine, curl up on the sofa, and wait for him to come back.

Shawn didn't like me doing this, so he often stayed out all night.

He'd pointed to my dark circles and laughed at me.

"Janet, are you not feeling well?"

He walked into the room and tried to take my temperature.

I dodged his hand and frowned.

"It's late, go take a shower," I said.

The smell of alcohol on him made me nauseous.

Shawn sat beside me, squinting at his phone.

There were no missed calls.

That was odd.

Normally, I would take pleasure in ruining his mood when he drank.

I'd tell him not to drink too much and use a designated driver.

Clearing his throat, he said, "I couldn't get out of tonight's dinner. Tomorrow I'll make it up to you by having a meal together. That should satisfy you, right?"

I blinked. "No need, just do your thing."

My sincere words were met with Shawn's mocking laughter.

"Don't push my luck, Janet. I'm too busy to argue with you," he said.

An email came in. I quickly checked it out.

"Even in your busiest moments, you find time for movies and coffee. You're quite the time manager," I blurted out.

At my words, Shawn's face darkened.

He explained he'd known Emily since childhood. She was afraid of the dark, so he had to ride her to her parents' place last night.

"Janet, do you do anything other than imagine things all day? You've really disappointed me," he said.

Before tonight, his words would have made me cry and driven me to pour out my feelings to him.

But tonight, after hearing his accusations, I just held my phone and said nothing.

He didn't know I was reading the divorce agreement sent by the lawyer.

Sensing Shawn approaching, I quickly turned off the screen.

"What are you looking at?" He asked.

"Nothing, I'm tired. I'm going to sleep," I replied.

He left for the study room and slammed the door shut.

It was the classic start of a cold war.

A year ago, I would have begged him to come out and talk to me.

But tonight, there were no tears, only the sound of the printer clicking away.

I printed the divorce papers, sighed them, and put them away in the bedside cabinet.

Then I turned off the lights. Despite my insomnia, I slept well that night.

The next day, Shawn called me on the landline, summoning me up to the rooftop.

"Long time no see, Janet."

Emily sat in the chair, innocently smiling at me.

"I see Shawn every day and keep telling him to bring you out with us, but he never listens," she said.

Emily was an internet celebrity, young, beautiful, and stylish.

Every time I saw her, I couldn't help but feel plain in comparison.

But today, she didn't see any hint of inferiority in me.

I even smiled at her. "Don't worry about it. I'm quite the homebody. You guys just have fun."

At my words, Shawn turned from the floor-to-ceiling window to look at me.

The faint dark circles under his eyes made it clear he hadn't slept well last night.

"Emily's hungry. Get my lunch for her," he said.