Loved Me, Then Destroyed Me

The mentor's voice turned tense.

"Janice, Samuel's not going to make it. He…"

"Don't tell me the details. I can't handle it," Janice cut him off, her voice tight with pain. "Now go ahead and take away his ability to be a man."

"What?" Her mentor's voice shot up in shock. "You don't want kids anymore? I thought you loved children!"

Janice said calmly, "Even if Samuel can't have children, I'll still love him, even if it means we'll have a sexless marriage. It has to be exact. If it isn't, the story will repeat itself with Tim."

Her tone never wavered. To me, it sounded like something straight out of hell.

A moment later, someone brought over a massive pair of rusted pliers.

Even after I had already given up hope, fear still hit me hard enough to make me recoil.

I didn't want to lose what made me a man. That kind of thing would've destroyed me.

Day after day, Janice wanted me constantly, no matter the time. She used to say she dreamed of having our child, of building a quiet, happy life for the three of us.

I had planned to wait until the mission was over, then start a real family with her.

And now, she was the one cutting that future off.

Before I could react, someone grabbed my legs and pinned me down. Pain exploded through my body, sharp and absolute.

I nearly blacked out, but they had already injected something to keep me conscious.

So I stayed awake, enough to feel every second of it.

"You're turning him into a eunuch… Gosh…"

The person holding the pliers glanced at me, blood everywhere, then looked away, unable to keep watching.

Through the haze, I heard Janice's voice. It trembled, just barely.

"Samuel, hang on. Just a little longer. Once the mission is over, I can stay in this world for good. When that happens… I'll make it up to you."

Make it up to me?

With what? Her so-called love?

A dry, broken laugh slipped out of me. No tears came. I didn't have any left.

They dragged me off the ground like I was nothing, then threw me into a filthy water cell that reeked of rot.

Cold, stagnant water swallowed me whole.

I had no idea how long I stayed there.

Eventually, the door creaked open.

Janice stepped in, backlit by the light behind her. The panic and pain on her face looked real enough, like she might break down at any second.

She rushed over and pulled me into her arms, her voice shaking.

"Honey, I'm here. I'm getting you out."

-

I lifted my head slowly, numb, and looked at her.

The face I used to love so much now felt unfamiliar. Worse than that, it made my stomach turn.

"Didn't you say you always had my location? That you'd come for me the second something happened?"

She froze for a split second, then forced out an explanation, guilt written all over her face.

"I'm sorry. Things were complicated overseas. It delayed me. I'm really sorry, honey… But it's okay. No matter what happens, I love you."

Love me?

I let out a quiet, hollow laugh.

It sounded ridiculous.

She either didn't notice or chose not to.

She shrugged off her coat and wrapped it around me, covering my ruined body, then lifted me and ran.

She got me to a hospital. Word spread fast, and the rest of the team showed up one by one.

When they saw me, even they couldn't hide their reactions. They had seen plenty of ugly things before, but this still made them suck in a sharp breath.

I was rushed into surgery.

My tendons had been severed. What made me a man was gone. Infection had spread across my body, eating through flesh.

The doctor kept working, shaking his head the whole time.

The anesthesia did nothing, but I didn't even have the strength left to cry out.