LOVE: EVERYTHING OR NOTHING

Keith smiles and laughs at her response. "I also prefer to drink out instead of home alone. I've gotten myself drunk really bad before when I'm alone. When I'm here, I have to watch how much I drink so I can drive home safely." Keith then nods his head towards Andy as he walks by to the other end of the bar. "It also helps to have my friend be the bartender here. He won't let me leave drunk because I give him my keys every time I come in and he gives them back when I'm sober enough to drive home."

"And how did you reach this agreement with the bartender?"

"We became best friends our freshman year of college. He's seen me at some of my bad times, especially when it comes to drinking."

"It is great to have a friend like that."

"Yes it is." Keith looks back at Jackie and starts studying her. Her brunette hair is just down to her shoulders. She doesn't appear to have much make-up on if any. Her blue eyes just seem to look back at his through her glasses. She is dressed in a black t-shirt and blue jeans.

"Are you done sizing me up?" she asks with a smirk on her face.

"I guess I wasn't that subtle," Keith says laughing nervously.

"So what do you think?"

"You don't want me to say."

"Why not?"

"Because I have a tendency to say more than I should and I don't want you mad at me."

"I can handle anything you say. I'm a grown woman."

Keith lets out a sigh not wanting to do this. "You really want to know what I think of you?"

"Yes!" Jackie says very demandingly.

Keith straightens up, turns to face her and gets ready to tell Jackie his observations. "First, you aren't afraid to strike up a random conversation with a stranger. You like being social and making new friends." Jackie's face looks disappointed from the obvious observations he is giving at that point. "You also aren't here for a hook-up. Your jeans fit you comfortably and not too tight to show off your butt. Your t-shirt is also not tight so you don't show off your figure and attract unwanted attention. By the lack of make-up on your face you are comfortable with your natural beauty." Jackie smiles that Keith says she is naturally beautiful. However Keith turns away from her and stops talking.

"Why did you stop?" Jackie asks, wanting to hear more. She tips her head to try to see Keith's face.

"Because I don't want to go too deep."

"Keith, just tell me what you see. You can't see into my soul or anything."

Keith turns his head towards Jackie reluctant to continue. "Your eyes tell me that you miss feeling loved." Jackie's smile fades away. "Your smile is very sincere that you want to help me feel not so lonely and that is very admirable. In fact that makes you very beautiful in my view of you. But your eyes don't seem to have the same happiness you want to show everyone." Keith looks at her face knowing he should have just stopped when he had the chance. "I'm sorry Jackie, I didn't mean to...I should have..."

"Why would you say that to me?" A tear goes down Jackie's cheek. "How would you know what I'm going through? How do you know I want to be loved?" Keith just looks at her wanting to say something but doesn't want to do more damage. "Just because you feel lonely you think I feel unloved? Is that it?"

"No, my current state of loneliness has nothing to do with what I see in you."

"Then what the hell makes you say I feel that I miss feeling loved?"

"Because..." Keith just wants to end this conversation and knows there is only one way to end, "I have had the same look in my eyes when I felt that no one loved me or wanted me."

Jackie didn't know how to react. She was quick to judge everything he said about her and didn't want to feel the pain she was feeling by his words. It was only then she realized the pain she felt by the truth he spoke seemed to feel worse on his end reliving what he had gone through. "Keith, I...I'm sorry."

Keith didn't want to say anything else, he just wanted to leave. He was able to get Andy's attention for his keys and Andy hands him the keys. Before he gets out of his chair, he turns towards Jackie who has a worried look on her face. "Jackie, it was nice meeting you and I wish I was leaving on a more positive note, but I feel like I need to get out of here before I do anything else stupid." He gets off his chair and walks out of the bar and Jackie just sits there not knowing what to do next. She had never been analyzed so deeply before by some random person and yet he was so right on every point.

"Miss." Jackie jumps as Andy taps her on the shoulder trying to get her attention. "Is there anything I can get for you?"

Jackie glances up at Andy and then looks back into the crowd hoping that Keith would come back and talk to her. "I don't know." She turns back towards Andy. "I'm just really confused right now."

"I wouldn't have let Keith go home if he wasn't sober enough to drive." Jackie looks at Andy after he made the statement knowing he is trying to help her feel better. "He is a very nice guy but hates to hurt others. Lately his self-punishment has been getting worse."

"Self-punishment?" Jackie asks scared for Keith.

"In his head. He has prided himself on being a nice guy and making others feel good and loved. He enjoys seeing people smile even if it happens to be at his own expense. When he hurts someone he cares about, he has a tendency to shutoff and become distant."

Jackie was starting to understand Keith better but something still nagged her. "You said his self-punishment is getting worse. Why?"

"It is not for me to tell, even if I had all the details. I just know him well enough to let him process everything in his own way and let him be him."

"Is there any way I could possibly help?"

Andy smiles seeing Jackie's concern for Keith. "If you decide to try to talk to him again when he comes back another night, be yourself. Don't try to talk to him about his past, just help him feel cared about and be a good friend."

Jackie nods accepting what Andy's advice is. Still, she wants to do more for him. Even as bad as she felt, she felt like Keith actually saw her for her. He also cared enough to not want to hurt her, even though she pushed for his observations.

After that she left the bar and went back to her apartment. She changed into her sleepwear and got under the covers of her bed. She tried to sleep but couldn't stop thinking about Keith, about everything from the conversation they had to Andy describing Keith as very caring. She wanted to sleep but she kept tossing and turning with her mind never settling down. "Why am I so worried about Keith?" she said to herself. "He is just some guy I will probably never see again. So why can't I get my mind off of him?"