Light Fades on a Lost Love

According to my colleague, Ethan had carefully picked out every single fishbone for Chloe. But in all the time I'd known him, he never ate fish because he couldn't be bothered with the bones.

Whenever I cooked fish, he never lifted a finger to help. Instead, he'd puzzledly ask, "Why bother with such a tedious dish?"

I glanced at the lunchbox and coolly said, "I'm not hungry, so take it and leave."

Ethan's smile froze, and a slightly irritated look flashed in his eyes as he snapped, "What are you upset about now? I went out of my way to cook for you, and you wouldn't even try it."

Pressing my lips together, I helplessly replied, "I texted you half an hour ago and asked if you wanted to have lunch together, but you never replied."

At that, his annoyance vanished and was replaced by guilt. He'd been ignoring my messages ever since Peanut was admitted. He used to text back in seconds, even in meetings. But now, he'd glance at his phone before putting it away without a word.

"I'll pick you up after work and make dinner for you at home, alright?" he said, trying to make up for it.

When I nodded and said nothing, he turned to leave.

By now, all my sleepiness had vanished, so I got up and wandered around the garden a bit. That was when I spotted two familiar figures.

Sitting side by side on the garden swing, Chloe and Ethan leaned into each other like a picture-perfect couple. Then, he pulled out a rose from his coat and held it up to her with a delicate necklace dangling from the stem.

Chloe lit up with excitement, reminding me of my past self.

After the HIV incident, I'd been forced to stay home. I'd spent the days wallowing in misery and barely spoke.

Back then, he sat next to me just like this and pulled out a bouquet with a necklace tucked inside. I could remember how warm and genuine the look in his eyes had been when he said, "Cheer up, Megan. Your happiness means everything to me.

"If I could, I'd spend my whole life making sure you always smile."

Back then, I believed I was the luckiest woman in the world, only to forget that humans could change. I was never special to him, so he could easily give someone else the love he showed me.

My thoughts were interrupted by a text from the senior resident.

When I got to his office, he looked at me for a moment, as if hesitantly weighing his words.

"Megan, everyone knows how much you've given to this hospital these past years. There's an advanced training opportunity opening up that I meant to offer you, but it's out of state. You won't be able to come back for a while, so I'm wondering if…"

I didn't hesitate to agree. "I'll do it! I'll go!"

He looked surprised before smiling and patting my shoulder.

Just as I stepped out of the office, one of my closest colleagues grabbed my hand and beamed. "Congrats, Megan! After you leave, we'd better keep in touch every day, you hear me?"

I laughed and promised to do so, but then a low voice came from behind me.

"Leave? Where are you going?"

I turned around to find Ethan staring at me. Before he could say anything else, I cut in. "I'm thinking of using my annual leave to travel for a bit."

He visibly relaxed and stepped forward to take my hand. "Let me come with you."

I could feel my eyes welling up with tears, so I panickedly lowered my head so he wouldn't be able to see.

…

That afternoon, as I rushed between surgeries, I couldn't help but stop in my tracks on my way past Peanut's ward.

Ethan was inside, wearing a costume and putting on a whole show, as if worried Peanut might get bored.

The latter was beaming, while Chloe was affectionately wiping sweat from Ethan's forehead. They looked so much like a happy family of three that anyone would envy them, including me.

As I pressed a hand to my stomach, I wondered if we'd be that happy, too, if I had a child. But that thought slipped away as quickly as it hit me.

Since Ethan couldn't devote all his love to me, how could he ever love my child? I didn't want my baby fighting for a father's love right after they were born.

By the time I finished my last surgery at night, I was so worn out that I fell asleep at my desk.

Later, feeling someone drape a coat over my shoulders, I forced my eyes open to see Ethan, leaning close with his familiar smile.