In Her Amnesia, I Learned to Walk Away

2: 2

At dusk I pushed open the front door, and laughter spilled out of the living room.

Noreen and Merlin's friends were all at my place again.

They'd been middle-school classmates, running around together for over a decade.

Back when this started, the doctor she'd found had suggested she spend more time with familiar friends, that it would help her recovery.

So in the name of her treatment, they came over every few days as if it were the natural thing to do, treating the home I'd so carefully put together like a hotel.

They all turned to look at me when they heard the door.

A few of them traded a knowing glance.

Merlin cleared his throat on purpose and said, smiling,

"Come to think of it, Nor and Des have been married three whole years now."

"Somebody's amnesia just won't get better. How about I help the two of you remember, hmm?"

Noreen popped a potato chip into his mouth. "Remember what?"

"Remember how good you used to be to him." Merlin laughed behind his hand. "Back then you were so devoted. Went to pick him up from work every single day, even blew a whole month's pay on a graphics card for him."

Noreen looked at Merlin, puzzled. "Huh? What did you say?"

The game was starting again.

Merlin's eyes went wide. "No way. You don't remember any of that?"

She shook her head, baffled. "I don't."

"I did that kind of thing for him? Was I really that pathetic?"

I stood there at the entryway, watching her,

and my chest went tight and aching.

So in her heart, all that care and tenderness I'd once been shown,

had become, in her mouth, a shameful thing she was pathetic to have done.

Her crowd finally finished laughing and got around to greeting me.

"Des, you're finally back. Where's the roast duck Nor told you to bring us?"

"And my barbecue!"

"Ten bubble teas, you didn't forget, right? Has to be that place in Eastside."

I said nothing.

I thought back to the beginning, when I'd assumed these friends came over every few days out of concern for Noreen,

and I'd tried so hard to please them, doing whatever they asked.

I had actually noticed it: Noreen's amnesia only ever seemed to strike when she was facing me.

Merlin caught a cold once, and a month later she still remembered to tell him to bundle up.

The things her friends wanted, she never forgot either.

So how was it that when I was hospitalized with pneumonia, she couldn't even remember my room number?

I'd asked her about it, and she'd only look at me with those eyes full of the deepest guilt and say,

"Des, I'm sorry. I'll work hard to get better, just don't give up on me."

Later, as if to prove to me how often her intermittent amnesia flared up, she had an episode in front of her friends too.

One day I was in the kitchen washing dishes,

and I heard her friends laughing out in the other room.

"Honestly, what does Nor even see in him? How'd she end up with a boyfriend like that?"

"Right? Such a dud. Sour face all day, like everyone owes him money."

"No taste in clothes either. That jacket he wore to the last get-together was hopelessly tacky."

But Noreen sat there smiling along as if she hadn't heard a word.

Only when she noticed the odd way her friends were looking at her did she ask, slow and vague, "Huh? What were you all just saying?"

Their jabs and their slander about me, she couldn't hold onto those either.

So this, it turned out, was a game.

A game they used to freeze me out and laugh at me.

"Desmond, we're talking to you. Do you hear me?"

A girl in the middle named Aria Dickerson started shouting.

"Where's the bubble tea we wanted? Why'd you come back empty-handed?"