I Lost Our Baby and Found Myself

The line went quiet for a moment.

I thought he might ask why the baby was gone.

He didn't.

His voice came back flat and cold.

"Do whatever you want."

"I told you a long time ago. Madison grew up with me. Her parents died in an accident saving my life. I owe it to her to look after her for the rest of mine."

"She's a simple person. Don't drag your filthy little mind into what we are."

Then he hung up.

I sat there holding the phone while the tears kept falling.

These past days, the pain had hollowed me out until I'd gone half numb to it.

Adam Gilbert was my classmate in college.

Back then I worked part-time at a bubble tea shop, and one day a customer was deliberately giving me a hard time.

He was the one who stepped in and said something for me.

He never knew I'd already fallen for him at first sight.

Maybe it was that small kindness that gave me the nerve. I worked up my courage and started chasing him.

I never expected what he said back.

"Deborah, the truth is, I like you too."

After graduation I followed him from one city to the next.

Until we finally settled down.

His time went to work, and almost all of what was left went to taking care of Madison Brooks.

What he saved for me was pitifully little.

I spent a lot of evenings alone in the apartment, scrolling through the photos Madison posted of the two of them together.

I told myself Adam still loved me, in the end.

I worked so hard to convince myself they were only friends.

But it wasn't until much later that I understood. Madison was never satisfied just being Adam's friend, and Adam, always protecting how Madison felt, kept sacrificing me to do it.

A message came in from the wedding planner.

"Ms. Henson, are you sure you want to cancel the service?"

I confirmed it.

I was the only one who ever cared about a single step of that wedding, from start to finish.

Choosing the rings, the guest list, the venue, the favors...

From beginning to end, I was the only one looking forward to that day.

Adam came to a single dress fitting with me, and only because Madison wanted to shop and the dress shop happened to be on the way.

I looked around the apartment, at everything I'd chosen so carefully, the big things and the small ones, the furniture and appliances down to the lamps and the tablecloths.

He never had any patience for any of it.

I remembered the time before he left for Iceland, when I'd asked him.

"Could you take me to see a movie?"

He was already halfway out the door, brushing me off.

"Some other time. I promised Madison I'd take her to that restaurant she's been dying to try."

Now I understood.

He simply never cared about anything to do with me.

I let every relative and friend know the wedding was off.

Then I called a moving company and had them carry out every appliance and every piece of furniture I'd chosen so carefully.

The apartment that used to feel like home went empty fast, but my heart had emptied out long before it.

I sent him one last message.

"I've taken everything I bought. I had a cleaning service come through your place too."

Then I deleted his contact.

As if this man had never appeared in my life at all.

Back at my own place, I sat on the couch and watched a movie.

A friend called, her voice gentle with worry.

"Debbie, it's okay. I saw it ages ago, Adam was never good enough for you. Leaving him was the right thing to do."

"The next one will be better."

I gave a small, quiet laugh.

It was raining outside, and the past kept rewinding through my mind, scene after scene.

I should have seen it sooner. Whatever Adam and I had, it ended the very first time I met Madison.

We'd been on a date when Madison called him, crying, saying she wasn't feeling well.