I Held My Own Umbrella and Walked Away

"I already said I'd be more careful next time! But you can't just smash things in front of other people over something this small, can you?"

He rubbed his temple, holding back his anger.

Summer stood up and patted Justin on the shoulder.

"That's enough, Justin. You bought the wrong soup, that's all. It's only natural Bonnie doesn't want it."

Justin drew in a deep breath and looked at me, full of disappointment.

"Bonnie, since when did you get so petty?"

I turned and walked toward the bedroom.

"I'm tired."

"Wait."

Justin called me back.

"Summer's been blaming herself this whole time. Apologize to her so she doesn't take it to heart."

I turned to look at him for a long moment, then lowered my eyes.

"Fine."

"I'm sorry for interrupting your late-night snack."

Justin froze, his mouth opening slightly.

I pushed open the bedroom door.

The instant it shut, I heard him lower his voice, gentle again.

"It's fine, she's just feeling sick and a little short-tempered. She'll be better after some sleep."

I leaned against the door and looked down at the back of my hand, bruised a deep blue across the skin.

The beat of my heart was heavy and dull in my chest.

I couldn't tell whether I was aching for myself, or for the person he used to be.

Three in the morning.

I lay against the headboard, staring at the ceiling.

Last fall my advisor had pulled me aside to tell me there was an exchange-program spot open at Southvale University.

When I came home and told Justin, he'd looked up, smiled, and taken my hand.

"Let's take the grad-school entrance exams together. Then we'll go to the same school."

I thought that "together" was the start of something happy.

So I gave up my guaranteed postgrad placement, turned down the job, and stayed to be with him.

But now the one sitting beside him was Summer.

The one across from him in the library was Summer.

The one who stayed home with him late at night was Summer too.

My fogged, heavy head suddenly felt clear.

When I woke the next day the fever had broken.

The living room was quiet.

I splashed water on my face and pulled out the suitcase.

I folded my clothes one by one and laid them inside.

I looked at the half-empty closet.

Then I called my advisor.

"Mr. Lambert, could you start the paperwork for me? I'll take the Southvale exchange program."

On the other end, he let out a breath of relief.

"Now that's the right call. Official check-in at Southvale is next Wednesday, but the dorms open this Friday. You can head over early if you want."

I hung up and kept packing.

Three in the afternoon.

Justin came in carrying two cups of milk tea and stopped short when he saw the suitcase.

"What are you doing?"

"Season's changing. Just sorting out my clothes."

He crouched down beside me and pushed one of the cups toward me.

"Still angry? Last night was my fault, I wasn't paying attention. I got you a taro milk tea."

I glanced at the label. It said full sugar, iced.

I've never drunk full sugar.

But Summer does.

He still remembered I liked this drink.

It was just that, piece by piece, I was being painted over by Summer, and I hadn't even noticed.

"Leave it. I just took my medicine."

He didn't push. He took a sip and muttered that it was a little too sweet.

There were two tickets on the desk.

A concert.

Last month, he'd promised that once he got his scholarship he'd take me.

He still remembered.

The thought that our anniversary was almost here.

My heart picked up a little.

Justin followed my gaze.

He paused.

"I forgot to tell you."

"Summer bombed her mock exams recently. She's in a really bad place. I'm thinking of taking her to the concert, to help her relax."

He stopped, then added,

"Once I'm done with the exams I'll take you. By then, whoever you want to see, we'll go."