I Had to Be Crueler Than My Family to Finally Be Free

If only I'd been born a boy.

That thought had followed me around since I was little.

My eyes stung with the weight of old memories.

How could I have let myself walk such a long road, swallowing so much pain along the way?

Why had I sacrificed my own happiness just so the rest of them could live theirs?

The truth was, I'd never once loved myself properly.

Alexis, the only person in this world who will ever truly love you is you.

As long as I was happy, I didn't care who suffered. Not anymore.

I marched straight to my bedroom door and shoved it open.

The two of them were still inside, laughing and carrying on like the room belonged to them.

My future sister-in-law looked me up and down. She didn't particularly like me either. Part of it was first impressions, part of it was whatever poison Derek and the others had dripped into her ear.

"Sorry to interrupt, but everything in this room was bought with my money. I need you both to leave."

That single sentence dropped the entire house into the kind of silence where you could hear a pin hit the floor.

Carrie was the first to move. She grabbed my arm and yanked me hard. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

I gave her one cold look, then shoved her away with everything I had. She stumbled, lost her footing, and hit the ground. It was almost funny.

"You don't get a say in what happens with this room. Get out."

The dream had gone on long enough. It was time for everyone to wake up.

"You're the one who needs to get out!" My mother seized a fistful of my hair. "I warned you not to start trouble in this house, Alexis."

My father reached over and slammed the door shut.

The pain ripping through my scalp made me bare my teeth. The second my mother let go, my father grabbed a teacup and hurled it at me.

"I'll beat the life out of you! I'm still standing right here! I'm the one whose name is on this house, and you have the nerve to say that?!"

My mother was seething. "Can't you see your sister-in-law is visiting for the first time? How did I give birth to something like you!"

"Maybe you two just couldn't keep your hands off each other." My mockery left them speechless for a split second.

It was the kind of remark that dragged something ugly out from under the rug, something none of them wanted exposed.

Their faces turned scarlet. "I'll kill you! I swear I'll kill you!"

Carrie, afraid our father's hands alone wouldn't be enough, ran to the bathroom and came back with a mop handle.

"Dad, teach this thing a lesson! Every single day her brain gets worse. I don't know if she's sick or what!"

"We told you to focus on school, and you didn't! Listen to yourself! Listen to what's coming out of your mouth! Only someone as uneducated as you could say something so disgusting! Look at yourself!"

School?

I almost laughed. It really was hilarious.

When Carrie got into community college, our parents scraped together every last penny to send her. Derek went straight to vocational school, no questions asked.

I got accepted to a four-year university.

They decided it was pointless. They took my acceptance letter and locked it away.

Once the enrollment deadline passed, they sent me to work.

A low laugh escaped me. It grew louder and louder.

Then, all at once, my expression went cold. "How dare you say that to me."

"You've lost your mind, haven't you?! Tonight I'm dragging you to a psych ward!"

My father swung the mop handle into me without a shred of hesitation.

Just like every other time when I was little.

Derek would go out and do something wrong, then come home and pin it on me. Our parents would beat me right in front of whoever had complained, beat me so badly that even the other person felt guilty and told them to stop.

I was supposed to keep taking it. Silently. That was the price of keeping this family looking happy and whole on the outside.

The price of maintaining any relationship with them at all.

Not a single person had ever spoken up for me.

Not one.

Even Tessa, the newest addition to this family, had already chosen their side.