I Died Loving Him. Now I'm Back

Chapter Two - The Road I Won't Walk Again

Selene's POV

Two weeks. I kept saying it to myself over breakfast until it didn't even sound like words anymore. Just noise.

I found Mara out in the training yard. She had a blade in each hand and her hair braided back tight, like always.

"You're up early," she said. "Did the sky fall?"

"Something like that."

I picked up a practice blade off the rack. In my old life I never really touched a weapon. I just let Kellan's guards handle everything. I thought that's what a good Luna was supposed to do. Stand back. Trust that people would protect you.

That didn't work out so well last time.

"Spar with me," I said.

She raised an eyebrow but didn't argue. She never does when I get that tone in my voice.

She had me on my back in about thirty seconds, blade at my throat.

"Rusty," she said, pulling me back up. "What's actually going on with you?"

"Nothing's going on."

"You've said 'nothing's going on' three times this week. That's not nothing, Selene, that's a pattern."

I wanted to tell her so bad. Mara never once lied to me back in my old life. She never treated me like I was fragile. But how do you explain something like dying and coming back. There isn't a version of that sentence that doesn't sound insane.

"Bad dream," I said instead. "About the wedding."

Her face changed a little. "The Vance thing? Selene, your dad hasn't even signed anything yet."

"He will. He needs the merger." I picked my blade back up. "The northern border's been bad for months, hasn't it. All that stuff with Kane land."

Mara had a calm expression on her face.

"How do you know about that? That's council stuff. Dad hasn't even told the pack yet."

Oops.

"Theo told me," I said.

"Theo doesn't know that either. I'd know if Theo knew that."

"Maybe he heard it somewhere."

"Maybe." She didn't sound convinced. She never sounds convinced when I'm lying, which is inconvenient, considering how often I've had to lie to her lately.

"You know," she said, "for someone who just had a bad dream, you sure know a lot about border politics before seven in the morning."

"I read a lot."

"You've literally never read a council document in your life. I watched you fall asleep on one once. Drooled on it, actually."

"That happened one time."

"It happened enough times that I remember it specifically."

"People change, Mara."

"Not overnight they don't." She looked at me for a second, the way she does when she's deciding whether to push or let something go. "So what happened to you."

I didn't answer that one.

"You're doing the thing," she said.

"What thing?"

"The thing where you go somewhere else in your head and pretend you're still standing here talking to me." She crossed her arms. "You used to do it right before every big performance review with your dad. I always figured it meant you were scared, but trying not to show it."

"I'm not scared."

"Selene. You are, quite literally, sweating through your shirt right now."

"That's from sparring."

"Sure it is."

She let it go, but I noticed her watching me sideways for the rest of practice, kind of like how she watches a new recruit she doesn't fully trust with a weapon yet. That one stung a little.

We sparred again and I actually lasted almost a whole minute this time, which felt like a big deal for someone who hadn't picked up a blade in this life until an hour ago.

Theo found us out there a little later and dropped a stack of papers on the bench. "Land surveys," he said. "Old agreements between us and the Vance Pack."

"This is going to be fun."

"It's not supposed to be fun, it's supposed to be useful. If Dad's really doing this, you should at least know what you're worth on paper. Because trust me, he does."

I looked at my brother and felt something in my chest hurt a little. In my old life Theo fought this whole merger too, right up until the wedding actually happened. Then he just went quiet, like everyone eventually does around Kellan. I used to think he just lost interest. Now I know better.

"Thanks," I told him, and I meant it.

"Don't thank me. Fight it." His jaw was tight. "There's other ways to protect that border."

"Maybe."

"Not maybe. There is. I've been saying it for months and nobody listens to me because I'm the little brother who's supposed to sit quietly and inherit things later."

"I listen to you."

"You're only listening now because you're scared. Which, by the way, you also never used to admit."

If only he knew how right he was.

He hung around a minute longer, watching me actually pay attention to the papers for once. "You're different lately," he said. "Sharper. I don't know if I like it or if it worries me."

"Can it be both?"

"With you it's usually both."

He left me sitting there. I spent the rest of the day going through those documents, and that's where I found the name for the first time. Damon Reyes. Just a small mention, tucked into a note about some old boundary dispute.

I would've skipped right past it if I didn't remember how he always stood a step behind Kellan. Always close enough to hear everything. Nobody ever thought twice about him.

I actually said his name out loud once, quietly, just to see how it felt in my mouth now that I knew what I knew. It felt wrong. Like a word I used to trust that had gone sour without me noticing.

That evening I told myself I needed air. Really I just needed to be somewhere my dad couldn't see my face. I walked out toward the edge of Hart territory, further than I meant to, until I smelled smoke. Woodsmoke. Way too deep in our land for that to make sense.

I followed it. Bad idea, obviously it was my kind of thing.

The path got narrower. The forest got quiet in that way that makes you feel like something is watching you.

I should have turned around. I didn't.

There were two people in a small clearing up ahead. Standing close, talking low. One of them I didn't know at all. Tall guy, dark coat, definitely not anyone from either pack.

The other one I knew right away. Damon Reyes.

I pressed myself against a tree and held my breath. I caught pieces of what they were saying. The word merger. The word timing. Then, carried on the wind, four words that made my whole body go cold.

"...before she remembers everything."

I stood there completely frozen. They weren't talking about the merger at all.

They were talking about me.

I must have moved without realizing it because a twig snapped under my boot, loud in that quiet clearing.

Both of them stopped talking.

Nobody moved for a second. I didn't even breathe.

Then Damon turned his head.

Not toward the noise in general. Straight at the tree I was hiding behind, like he already knew exactly where I was the whole time.

We looked right at each other for a second.

Then he smiled.