I Booked My Own Sea Burial, But You Came Too Late

My first instinct was to stand, to cover it, to make it disappear. I quickly pulled my clothes back on, hands unsteady.

I didn’t know why she was here. I didn’t understand why she looked like that, as if she was holding herself together by force.

For a second, I almost told her the truth. Almost.

But then everything came back.

The money, the hate, the sea burial I was still chasing, the way Arkin looked at me like I was a mistake that never ended.

So I forced a smile instead. A wrong one.

“What do you mean save him?” I said lightly, brushing it off. “You’re overthinking it.”

Her eyes narrowed.

I shrugged.

“This?” I added, touching my back like it meant nothing. “It’s nothing. I got it in prison. Fights happen there. Men don’t really like sharing space, especially when there are women involved.”

I let out a short laugh, hollow and controlled.

“Some of them got strange, fighting over attention, over nothing. I was just caught in the middle.”

Her face changed instantly.

Anger. Disgust. And disappointment sharper than both.

Her hand shot forward and grabbed my wrist.

“Dahlia,” she said through clenched teeth, “do you even hear yourself? After everything Arkin went through for you, this is what you say? You’re still like this? Still filthy, still shameless?”

Her grip tightened.

“Do you have no heart at all?”

I couldn’t breathe properly, but I still managed a small, strained laugh.

“What do you expect from me?” I said. “You already decided who I am a long time ago.”

She shook me slightly, voice rising.

“So what, you just sleep around? After everything between you and Arkin, after everything he gave you, this is what you became?”

My throat tightened.

I shouldn’t have spoken.

But I did.

“Arkin was never just one thing,” I said slowly. “He’s not the only one who mattered in my life.”

Her expression snapped completely.

That was it.

She shoved me away hard, as if I was something she couldn’t stand touching anymore.

“Disgusting,” she said coldly. “You’re absolutely disgusting. Loving you was the biggest mistake of his life, and honestly, mine too for ever tolerating you.”

She turned sharply.

“And don’t ever stand in front of him again.”

Then she left.

The door slammed.

Silence rushed back in, heavier than before.

I stayed where I was, slowly sliding down until I sat on the floor.

So this was what I wanted, right?

For her to hate me.

For everyone to stop looking at me like I still existed.

Then why did it feel like something inside my chest was being pressed down, slowly breaking?

Like something was still bleeding even though nothing should have been left.

I exhaled.

“It’ll pass,” I told myself quietly.

It had to.

....

Later, Trixie showed up.

She always did things like that, acting like she belonged everywhere, especially where I didn’t.

“Get in,” she said, tossing me the car keys. “Arkin said you need to run an errand. I’m driving.”

I didn’t ask why.

I just followed.

The car ride started silent, but her energy shifted quickly, restless, too controlled.

She tapped the wheel once, then again, then laughed under her breath.

“You know,” she said, glancing at me, “it’s funny. You always look so tired. Like you’re already halfway gone.”

I didn’t respond.

Her smile widened. “Do you ever think about that?” she asked. “About just disappearing? Or are you still too stubborn for that?”

Before I could answer, she slammed the brakes, hard and fhe car jerked to a stop. She then opened the door and ran out.

“Help!” she screamed, voice instantly soft, broken. “Someone help me!”

Then she collapsed right in front of the car.

Footsteps rushed in immediately.

Arkin. Then Arkin’s mother.

Trixie lifted her head slightly, weak, and perfect.

“Arkin…” she whispered, glassy-eyed. “Don’t blame Dahlia, please. Don't blame my sister… she didn’t mean it…”

Then she coughed blood. Arkin’s mother dropped beside her instantly.

“Trixie! Stay with me!” she cried. “What happened? What did she do to you?”

The bright red blood hit Arkin’s mother’s eyes first, and I saw it immediately, that look, the same one she had the day everything fell apart years ago, cold and sharp like I had already been sentenced without a word.

Her gaze locked on me, then snapped as she stepped forward.

“Dahlia,” she said, voice rising and trembling with rage, “you really never change, do you, who were you messing with this time that you’d do something like this to Trixie?”

Her hands shook as she pulled Trixie up and held her close, as if protecting something fragile.

“Stay still, sweetheart, stay with me,” she kept saying, panicked but forcing control. “Don’t talk, just breathe, okay?”

Then she shoved Trixie into the car and got in herself, the engine roaring alive.

“Dahlia,” he said, “what did you do this time, why is she on the ground like that?”

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out, and I didn’t even know what I was supposed to explain.

Before I could try, Arkin’s mother snapped, slamming her hand on the steering wheel as she lost control.

“I don’t care anymore,” she hissed. “Dahlia, you should die!”

The car surged forward, and bang.

My body rose then dropped hard.

For a few seconds I stayed conscious enough to feel it but not enough to understand it. Then everything went white.

---

I dreamed first, and that was the strange part.

I was back in a car, younger, hands gripping the wheel too tightly. My heart race like I might ruin everything just by existing, while Arkin sat beside me, softer then, not like this.

“Dahlia,” he laughed faintly, “relax, you’re not gonna crash, okay, I’m right here, just drive slowly.”

I shook my head.

“I don’t trust myself,” I said.

He leaned closer, calm and steady.

“Then trust me,” he said. “I won’t let anything happen to you.”

Then the dream shifted. His seat was empty, and suddenly he was outside the car watching me with red eyes.

“Dahlia,” he said again, but this time it wasn’t gentle. “Why did you do this, why do you always ruin everything?”

The engine roared louder, and he stepped forward as if he was the one coming for me now.

---

I woke up choking on air I couldn’t fully take in, staring at a white ceiling that smelled of antiseptic. Pain spread everywhere like it owned my body.

My chest felt crushed inward, and every breath dragged like glass through my ribs, until a nurse came in, checked briefly, and spoke without looking at me.

“You’ve got multiple broken ribs,” she said flatly. “Don’t move too much.”

Then she left, and that was it, no questions, no concern, just another case.

I stayed staring at the ceiling for a long time after that. Arkin didn’t come, not once, but I didn’t expect him to because he already decided what I was, and I was still here anyway.

---

When I left the hospital, the world outside had already moved on without me. Arkin and Trixie were preparing for the wedding.

Of course they were, and somehow I was still part of it, just not as anything important, only something to be used.

Arkin didn’t even look at me when he spoke.

“You’re coming with us,” he said simply. “Every step. Don’t disappear, Dahlia, I want you to see it.”

Trixie laughed beside him, leaning into his arm like she belonged there completely.

“Oh, I like that,” she said sweetly, then glanced at me. “You should come, sister, don’t worry, I’ll make sure you get a good view.”