Hearts on Ice

Training that evening felt different and not the good kind. It was off. The energy on the rink had shifted, even if no one else could fully place why. Lukas was sharper than usual, his instructions more clipped, his patience thinner.

"Focus," he snapped at one player.

"You're dragging."

"Again!"

He made no room for mistakes or just no room for anything and Viktor noticed...He always did. When it was finally just the two of them left, the silence felt heavier than it ever had before.

Lukas didn't look at him and didn't speak even when it was necessary. He didn't even stand close...Like he had built a wall overnight and decided to stay behind it.

Viktor pushed off the barrier slowly, skating toward him.

"Are we really doing this?" he asked, his voice quieter now, less teasing than usual.

No response. Lukas kept adjusting his gloves like he didn't hear him. Viktor let out a small breath, stopping in front of him. "Lukas."

Still nothing and that... annoyed him more than it should have.

"Wow," Viktor muttered, shaking his head slightly. "So you can throw me on a bed and destroy me, but now you can't even look at me?"

That did it. Lukas paused just slightly...but it was enough.

Viktor stepped closer.

"You're really going to act like last night didn't happen?" he asked, softer now.

Lukas finally looked at him and there was nothing there. No warmth or hesitation...just plain distance.

"You said it yourself," Lukas replied calmly. "We forget it."

The words landed harder than they should have.

Viktor's jaw tightened slightly. "I didn't think you'd actually-"

"That is your problem."

Lukas moved past him. Like that was the end of it...no further conversation was needed, at least...he was done replying. Something in Viktor snapped. He reached out, grabbing Lukas's wrist and pulling him back just slightly-not rough, just enough to stop him.

"Wait."

Lukas turned, eyes red and sharp. Like he was doing everything in his power to fight back tears.

"What?"

For a second, Viktor didn't speak...he didn't know what to say. Then, like he was acting on impulse, he leaned in and tried to kiss him but Lukas turned his head. Clean and direct.

The kiss missed.

Silence was heavy and awkward.

Viktor froze for a second, still close, still holding onto him-but Lukas didn't move or react.

"Don't do that again," Lukas said quietly.

He didn't sound angry or loud...he was just... done. He pulled his hand free and walked off the ice without looking back.

And this time Viktor didn't follow. The rink stayed quiet long after Lukas left and for the first time since he arrived Viktor felt it.

That distance they warned him about, that emptiness... He thought it was something he could control but it was slipping.

Lukas didn't stop walking until he was out of the rink. The cold followed him out, clinging to his skin, but it wasn't enough. It wasn't enough to calm the storm building in his chest, wasn't enough to quiet the noise in his head.

"You said it yourself... we forget it."

His own voice echoed in his head, and this time...It didn't sound strong, it sounded stupid. He pushed the door open harder than necessary, stepping into the hallway, his pace quick, uneven. His vision blurred as he blinked hard, trying to force it back.

It couldn't happen here or now. He swallowed, jaw tightening as he kept moving, ignoring the few students who passed by him, ignoring the looks, the concern...Everything.

"Don't do that again."

His chest tightened. Why did that hurt more?

Why did that feel worse than everything Viktor had already done?

"...damn it," he muttered under his breath, his voice cracking just slightly.

And that was it. The moment he stepped into the open-

It broke. The tears came fast...like they had been waiting.

Lukas stopped walking, his breath catching as he dragged a hand over his face, but it didn't help. It didn't stop anything. If anything, it made it worse.

"Shit!"

His voice shook. He looked around quickly, like someone might see, as someone might notice but he didn't even wait long enough to check. He just moved quickly up the stairs, past the corridors and straight to the balcony.

The moment he got there, he grabbed onto the railing, his head dropping forward as his shoulders tensed and then he let it all out. The weight, the pain, the tears...all out in a very loud, ugly manner. The kind that came from somewhere deep and refused to stay buried.

His grip tightened against the metal as his body shook slightly, breath uneven, broken...mucus dripping down his face as the cold breeze slapped him harshly.

"...why?" he whispered, though there was no one there to answer.

"You show up out of nowhere" he sniffled. "Come back, hold me, change me, use me and then leave?!" He let out a shaky laugh that didn't sound like a laugh at all.

"I hate you..." He said under his breath, but even he didn't sound convinced.

Because if he really hated him...why did it hurt this much?

Time had passed and Lukas didn't know how long.

The wind brushed against his face, cool and quiet, but it didn't do much to ground him. He wiped at his face roughly, trying to pull himself together, but the tears kept coming in waves, slower now...but still there and right in the middle of it all, a thought slipped in...a very stupid and weak one. He laughed softly, shaking his head.

"...just come," he murmured, barely audible. "Just once..." his eyes produced fresh tears, "for once...come for me...just come after me"

Lukas froze. He heard footsteps. His breath caught instantly, heart jumping in his chest as he turned slightly-

Hope hitting him before he could stop it...it was Viktor...It had to be.

He didn't move or call out. He stepped back slightly instead, instinctively, moving behind the pillar near the corner of the balcony. Not hiding completely...just enough that he wasn't in direct view.

Viktor stepped out onto the balcony. His gaze swept across the space slowly. Left, right...empty.

"...figures," he sniffed and cleaned his eyes as he muttered under his breath.

He leaned against the railing for a second, exhaling softly, his expression unreadable but there was something there. He stayed like that for a moment... then shook his head lightly and cleaned his eyes.

"Whatever."

And then he left. The door clicked shut and silence grabbed Lukas by the neck. He didn't move...not immediately.

He just stood there, staring at the space Viktor had been seconds ago, his chest tightening all over again but this time, it felt different.

He stepped out slowly from behind the pillar, eyes still slightly red, still glassy.

"...you didn't come," he whispered.

But he had...Lukas just didn't see him.