Goodbye,My Once Beloved

I looked around the shabby rental, the anger choking up to my throat was suppressed by another inexplicable sadness.

I sighed deeply, feeling heavier than if a thousand kilos were pressing on my chest.

"How can I give birth to a child? Can you afford it?"

I turned away from Jack, silently for a long time, calmly yet helplessly stating the facts, without a trace of blame, yet enough to give us a cold war all night.

He couldn't afford it, yet I was pregnant again!

During lunch break, while colleagues went out to eat, I hid in the last stall of the office bathroom, carefully placing the test strip in the urine cup.

Watching the urine soak the test strip and slowly climb up was more nerve-wracking than waiting for the college entrance exam results.

When the glaring two red lines appeared, I felt like I had been struck by lightning, violently throwing the urine cup into the trash. The arrival of this child, like a loud slap, pained me deeply.

The tears I had been holding back all day were almost bursting out.

After calming down for a long time, I gently picked up the urine cup from the trash, wrapped the test strip with two lines in layers of toilet paper, and then stuffed it into a fake Gucci bag to take away.

I had no choice. I had waited three years for a promotion opportunity. If my manager found out I was pregnant, not to mention a promotion, I might not even keep my job.

''I'm pregnant again!''

Sitting at my desk, I quickly sent a message to Jack, then swiftly turned off my phone's screen light, guiltily stuffing the phone back into my bag.

Ten minutes later, I took out my phone, Jack hadn't replied.

Was he busy? Was he in a meeting?

I still habitually made excuses for him, never wanting to admit, maybe we didn't love each other anymore.

If it were a few years ago, how could Jack be like this, no matter how busy, he wouldn't take more than ten minutes to reply to my messages. Ten years had passed, the passion between us had long been exhausted, leaving either kinship or something else, I didn't know.

After much thought, I still sent a message to my mom, thousands of miles away.

''I plan to marry Jack!''

The moment I pressed the send button, my hands were trembling.

Yes, this decision was hasty and ludicrous, but other than getting married, I couldn't think of any other way to give a perfect ending to these ten years of effort.

I didn't want to abort this child again. I wanted stability, even if it was impoverished stability. I desperately wanted it.

"Without a betrothal gift of 200,000 dollars, forget it!"

My mom's reply came almost instantly.

I held the phone, tiredly resting my forearm, tears buried in the 300 dollars women's suit from e-shop I was wearing.

'Angel, you have to understand mom. Jack's family is poor, relying on you two to struggle, you won't have good days!"

My mother's message popped up again.

My heart felt like it was soaked in bile-filled vinegar, both bitter and sour.

''Baby, I'm sorry. This is all my fault. let's go to the hospital together tomorrow!''

Jack finally replied to my message two hours later, but his words lacked the resolve of that night.

I sneered, typed a response, and then deleted it, eventually stuffing the phone back into my bag.

I Understood Jack's pressure. Given our current life, we indeed did not have the capacity to bear the arrival of this child. This pressure weighed on him and on me.