Goodbye to the Love I Lost Eight Years Ago

Eight years ago, I broke the heart of the boy I loved.

Now, after eight years overseas, Liam Hayes was finally coming home with his new girlfriend to meet his family.

That same day, the hospital gave me its final answer.

The cancer had won.

There was nothing left to treat. Nothing left to try. They sent me home with only time.

When Liam saw my mother helping me into a wheelchair, a cold smile touched his mouth.

“Eight years,” he said. “And this is what became of you? You can’t even walk anymore?”

Disgust laced every word.

I only tugged the sleeve of my down coat lower, hiding the cluster of needle marks across the back of my hand.

“It’s nothing,” I said quietly. “I fell and broke a bone. That’s all.”

Liam gave a short, bitter laugh.

“In that case, I’m getting married soon. Why don’t you come be my fiancée’s bridesmaid?”

I smiled as if it did not hurt at all.

“No, thank you. I’m about to leave for somewhere very far away.”

Then I patted the back of Mom’s hand, silently asking her to take me home.

I had barely gotten home. Mom had just helped me into bed when Liam Hayes’s mother came by.

Margaret Hayes stood in the doorway for a long moment, looking at me as if she had rehearsed this conversation a hundred times and still could not bring herself to start.

“Claire,” she said at last, her face flushing with shame. “I know I have no right to ask you this, but I need a favor.”

She stopped there.

She did not need to finish.

I knew exactly why she had come.

It was the same reason she had come to me eight years ago.

Back then, the moment Margaret found out I had cancer, she rushed into my hospital room in almost the same state she was in now. I had not even had time to process the diagnosis. I was terrified, crying so hard I could barely breathe, when she dropped to her knees in front of me.

“Claire, I’m begging you. Please don’t drag Liam down with you. He’s just been accepted into a program overseas. If he finds out you have cancer, he’ll never agree to leave.

“You and Liam have known each other your whole lives. You’ve loved each other for so many years. So please, for my sake, let him go. Break up with him.

“I’ve arranged everything. I found a boy to help. All you have to do is pretend to kiss him downstairs. Let Liam see it. Make him believe you betrayed him. Then break up with him. That’s all.”

Because of those words, the first thing I did after being diagnosed was not schedule more tests or begin treatment.

Instead, I put on the coldest face I could manage, pretended to cheat, forced Liam to hate me, and drove him out of the country without mercy.

Sure enough, a second later, Margaret looked at me with guilt in her eyes.

“Claire, please don’t blame me. I had no choice. Liam’s girlfriend now was his classmate overseas throughout graduate school and his doctoral program. They’re perfect for each other. I really don’t want to ruin such a good marriage.

“You know Liam. He adored you when you were kids. If he finds out the truth about what happened back then, I’m afraid…”

Her voice shook.

“I’m afraid he’ll throw everything away again.

“So could you stay away from him for a while? You’re… you don’t have much time left anyway, do you? In your condition, you shouldn’t be going out. Don’t you think?”

The moment Margaret said those words, my mother grabbed a pack of adult diapers from beside the bed and slammed it down so hard the mattress shook.

Seeing that she was about to lose her temper, I quickly tugged at her sleeve and softened my voice.

“Mom. Please.”

It took several seconds before she managed to hold herself back.

Only then did I look back at Margaret.

“I can promise I won’t tell Liam what happened eight years ago,” I said calmly. “But I can’t promise I won’t see him.”

No.

I could not promise that.

Because during all eight years of surgeries, chemo, and hospital ceilings, there had never been a day when I stopped missing Liam.