Fractured Faith, Rekindled Affection

He was gone for several days without coming home.

It was starting to look like another cold war. If this had been before, I’d have been a mess, constantly replaying every little detail in my head, wondering if I’d raised my voice too much, if I’d disturbed him at night, if his dinner wasn’t to his liking, or if I’d put too much pressure on him.

I’d have been lost in self-doubt and second-guessing.

But now, I actually enjoyed the peace while Jordan was away.

Seeing him from outside that toxic loop, he seemed like someone with serious emotional issues, who was quick to anger, always putting others down, and preaching all the time.

I used to rush home after work, terrified of Jordan coming back and finding me missing.

All that fear and worry now felt pointless. All it did was make me feel better, while Jordan grew more annoyed.

Without his constraints, I threw myself into my work.

I landed a promising project, and my boss said that if I handled it well, my bonus would double and there would be significant opportunities for advancement.

I was excited and even worked on market research and product comparisons after hours.

By the time the project was wrapped up, I realized I hadn’t contacted Jordan at all.

I didn’t even have to guess where he was.

I tracked down his assistant’s social media and saw her posting these artsy, poetic updates. It struck me as pretty pretentious.

We were long past that stage of life.

But Jordan seemed to eat it up.

I saw a post from her saying. [I really envy her for meeting someone as amazing as you are so early. If, and I mean if, you’d met me even a minute sooner, would you have chosen to love me?]

No surprise, Jordan had replied, [Yes.]