Five Years of Nothing

I woke up in the hospital, feeling weak and my mind filled with worry. Ricky, my boyfriend of five years, wasn't by my side. For the past two days, I've been waiting for news from him, but nothing came.

When I finally mustered the courage to open the office group chat, my heart pounded. All the attention seemed to be on Christine, the new employee who had caught Ricky's eye.

With a mix of curiosity and anxiety, I opened the flood of messages. Christine had posted a photo of herself wearing an elegant white gold bracelet that I knew all too well—it was a gift from Ricky as an apology for his disastrous birthday party.

My heart felt like it was being torn apart as I read the compliments pouring in for her. It was as if everyone had forgotten about me. For five months, I had been patient, no longer showing my true feelings about how much I disliked Ricky spending so much time with Christine. I tried to be more mature, less tantrum-prone, hoping Ricky would notice this new side of me.

Ricky never actually said our relationship was over. But his actions made me feel like he no longer wanted me.

Then, a message from Ricky popped up, inviting me to dinner at a restaurant. At first, I felt happy, thinking it was a sincere apology. But as I read the next part, my heart shattered. He wanted me to come and apologize to Christine for what happened at her birthday party.

Should I apologize because my boyfriend, Ricky, forced me to eat chocolate cake? He knows I'm allergic to chocolate! What's even more heartbreaking is that Ricky did it just to impress Christine, so she feels like everyone likes her!

"Are you serious, Ricky? Christine again?" I yelled in frustration, feeling trapped in an unfair game. The pain deepened, as if Ricky cared more about Christine's feelings than my own safety.

A nurse walked in, startled by my outburst. She asked if I was okay, and I could only manage an awkward smile. After making sure I was fine, she handed me the discharge papers. Ricky should have handled all this, not me.

When I finally got home to my apartment, my hope of seeing Ricky waiting for me at the door vanished. Loneliness wrapped around me, just like it had for the past five months. Tears started to flow again, but the ringing phone broke the silence.

With trembling hands, I saw my mom's name on the screen. "What now?" I thought, feeling exhausted by it all.

I answered the call, and my mom's voice asking how I was doing came through.

"Yes, Mom, I'm okay," I lied. I swallowed my tears and forced myself to sound fine. It was tough, but it was for my pride. I hadn't complained about myself since deciding to be with Ricky five years ago.

It wasn't easy for someone like me, who used to overshare with my parents, to suddenly switch to being closed off. It all started when I turned 22 and still had no thoughts about marriage or having a boyfriend.

My parents had me at quite an old age after a long struggle and couldn't have any more children. They longed for grandchildren, and maybe they just didn't want to be lonely in their twilight years.

Meanwhile, I still felt too young to get married and rejected the idea. I even decided to leave home and start living independently with my savings.

Back then, all I wanted was to try my luck, to break free from the cage that had sheltered me from the harsh world. Little did I know that choosing to live independently would bring so many surprises and reveal that the world outside the cage wasn't as beautiful as it seemed from within.

Even the man I chose didn't care about me.

"So? What about Theo? He’s been waiting for you for so long. You've been gone for seven years and haven't said a word about any marriage plans," Mom said.

I knew Mom was taking a jab at Ricky and our five-year relationship showed no signs of heading towards marriage. Without thinking, I said, "Alright, Mom. Just arrange it for me, I'll accept whatever you think is best." Then I ended the call.

"Arrange what? Are you talking about marriage?" Ricky suddenly appeared from behind, his expression hard and displeased.

"My mom said she's going to arrange a marriage for me," I replied nervously. Half of me still hoped Ricky would have a good reaction.

Ricky laughed. "We're not ready for that. By the way, I need to borrow some tools. Christine needs me to fix the wiring in her apartment."

Unfortunately, my hopes were dashed. As usual, Ricky avoided the topic of marriage. He even tended to dismiss it and change the subject to something else.

I pointed to the box where the tools were kept, and before Ricky left, I couldn't help but ask, "Will you be home tonight? I have something to tell you."

Ricky frowned, a sign of his displeasure. "I can't promise that." Then he just walked out.

Ricky never used to be like this. He would always make time, no matter how busy he was, just to listen to my not-so-important stories.

"I was planning to tell you that I'm getting married," I muttered to the empty air.