Find The Most Beautiful Version of Yourself

The mountainside had collapsed, and my boyfriend, who was out sketching, was missing.

I joined the rescue team, and we dug for three days and nights. Completely exhausted and on the brink of collapse, I finally passed out.

The next day, when I woke up, I found a post from him on his dream lover's social media.

“I was so scared after seeing the news, but I’m so glad to have you by my side!”

In the photo, he was blissfully enjoying life, admiring his dream lover's radiant beauty.

I glanced at my own arm in a cast and silently typed a reply.

“Some people are just so pretentious!”

“And if the dog licked you, don’t forget to get a rabies shot!”

——

The day after I woke up in the hospital, my boyfriend, Scott Carter, finally remembered to call me back.

He had been missing since he went out sketching, and his destination had experienced a landslide.

I couldn't reach him and had gone into a frenzy, calling and texting him non-stop. Eventually, I led a rescue team, doing everything I could to find him.

During that time, I’d sent him updates about my own situation.

I expected at least some words of comfort from him.

But when he called me, I could hear his anger and frustration through the phone.

The day after I woke up in the hospital, my boyfriend, Scott Carter, finally remembered to call me back. He had been missing since he went out sketching, and his destination had experienced a landslide. I couldn't reach him and had gone into a frenzy, calling and texting him non-stop. Eventually, I personally led a rescue team, doing everything I could to find him.

During that time, I’d sent him updates about my own situation. I expected at least some words of comfort from him. But when he spoke, I could hear his anger and frustration through the phone.

“Lillian, why are you cursing people on social media?”

“Hannah is a college friend of mine. She just asked me to help with a portrait, and you’re going off on her like that?”

“You’ve got such a dirty mind that you see everything as filthy!”

“Get it together and apologize to Hannah!”

Not a word about how I’d been during those three days of rescue.

“Scott, I was injured during the rescue…”

Before I could finish, he cut me off.

“You only went on this rescue mission because you’re bored. It’s good you got hurt. Maybe it’ll keep you from shadowing me all the time and giving me no space!”

“Scott, do you like how this sketch turned out?”

The voice of Hannah Levine, sweet and girlish, came through the phone.

“Hold on, I’m coming right now!”

Scott quickly hung up the phone.

On the fifth day of my hospital stay, with my right arm in a cast, I was finally ready to be discharged.

Scott finally decided to reach out.

“When are you coming home? Let’s make some homemade pasta tonight.”

The silent battle was over at last.

In our relationship, he was always the one in control.

He’d shower me with affection when he was happy and pull away into cold silence when he wasn’t.

And I was expected to be at his beck and call, with no right to refuse.

In the past, during our silent treatments, I would anxiously await any sign of reconciliation.

But now, a profound sense of exhaustion washed over me, making everything feel pointless.

“Get ready to leave!”

Maybe feeling a twinge of guilt, he called and said he’d pick me up in forty minutes.

I canceled my hospital meal service and waited from dawn until nightfall.

Scott never showed up and didn’t call again.

Just like so many times before, he disappeared without a word, as if it were nothing out of the ordinary.

As I got into a cab with my arm in a cast, I saw that Hannah had updated her social media.

“You’re like a treasure, always surprising me. I can’t wait to see what else there is to discover…”

In the photo, Scott was wearing an apron, pretending to make homemade pasta.

The hands I once cherished and was reluctant to let do any household chores were now busy preparing a meal for another woman.

I managed a silent smile, but the weariness surged back, clinging to me like a shadow.

The allure of the dream lover was truly formidable, and all I could do was watch from the sidelines.