Don’t Call Me Your Donna Anymore

I kept myself behind the marble column near the safehouse infirmary's entrance, half in shadow, watching Lorenzo. In all the months I had carried this child, the heir of the Romano bloodline, he had not once sat beside me through a single visit to the Family's trusted physician. Always there was business. Always there was a sit-down, a count, a territory that needed minding. Yet here he stood under the low amber lamps, moving with an ease I had not seen from him in years, signing the register, fetching the medicine himself, easing another woman down into a chair as if she were made of spun glass and he had been put on this earth to keep her from breaking.

And in that moment something cold and clarifying settled over me. It had never been the work. It had never been the hour, or the obligation, or the weight a made man carried. He simply had never wanted to spend himself on the wife seven years of alliance had given him. The Romano name had bought his loyalty on paper. It had never bought one ounce of his tenderness.

The infirmary's outer hall was hushed the way those places always were, all whispered footsteps and the faint tang of antiseptic over old leather. Lorenzo drew the woman against his side and bent his head close to hers. "The physician said you should eat lightly tonight, and stay on your feet a while," he murmured, every word soft, indulgent, the voice of a man who had forgotten anyone in the world might be listening. "These early weeks, the body is delicate. Let's mind him this once, hm?"

"Oh, fine, I understand," she said, pushing out her lip in a practiced little pout. "But it's your fault. You bought far too many of those sweets."

"All right, all right. The blame is mine." A smile broke across his face, the kind I had stopped receiving so long ago I had nearly forgotten its shape. "My fault for letting my sweet girl eat her fill. There. Is that better?"

"Much better." Her smirk was the smirk of a woman who knew she had already won the room. "Fine. I forgive you. This time."

I stood beneath those merciless lights and watched them banter like husband and wife, like two people stitched together at the rib, while the floor seemed to tilt slowly under my feet. They were so close, so easy, so entirely inseparable that I, the woman bound to him by blood-pact before the elders, felt like an intruder who had wandered into a stranger's home. I was not even worth their notice. I was less than the shadow the column threw across the tile. To them I did not exist at all.

My hand found the curve of my belly and stayed there. I turned, slow and heavy, and let myself drift out of the infirmary, past the silent man at the door who did not so much as glance my way, and into the night.

Outside, the world had not the decency to be gentler. The rain had come while I was inside, fine and cold, sweeping in off the water in sheets the autumn wind drove sideways. It had the feel of something meant to drown the whole territory in its chill, to wash every warm thing out of the dark. Through the mist and the gleam of wet pavement I saw them again. Lorenzo had stripped off his own coat, the fine wool he wore like armor, and draped it across her shoulders, sheltering her from the rain as though the sky itself were not permitted to touch her. He guided her into the front seat of the car with a hand at the small of her back, careful, reverent, the way a man handles the only thing he is afraid to lose.

She looked up at him and smiled. Then she caught the silk of his tie in her fist and pulled him down to her mouth. My husband cupped her face in both hands and kissed her, deep and unhurried, there in the open rain where any soul in the life might pass and see it. Where I did see it. When at last they drew apart he tapped the tip of her nose, playful, easy, and she snatched at his tie a second time and bit down hard on his lip.

I waited for the anger to come into his face. It did not. He only laughed, low and delighted, like a man who had been handed everything he ever wanted on a single rain-slicked night. Then he folded himself into the car.

The engine turned over. As the wheels began to roll, the window on her side slid down. Through the rain her eyes found mine across the dark, unerring, as though she had known precisely where I stood the entire time.

She held my gaze. And with a small, smug curl of her painted mouth, the look of a woman savoring a thing she had hunted long and finally cornered, she said:

"Francesca. You've lost."