Deadly Weight Loss

In the last go-around, Tina freaked when she saw 150 on the scale and decided to slim down.

But at 5'7", her BMI was totally in the green.

I told her, "Chill, health over vanity, always."

She wasn't having any of it.

"Jess, easy for you to say. You're Miss Perfect Curves! Ever thought about it from a plus-size perspective?"

After hearing her out, I realized maybe I was a bit out of line.

I smoothed things over quick, "My bad, no hard feelings."

I bet her we'd rock those summer dresses once she slimmed down.

She started a strong, "mouth shut, legs open" policy, axed the junk food and latte, got a gym card, and ran like the wind.

She dropped over 20 pounds like it was nothing.

But when her weight hit a standstill, she cut back on her meals even more.

Down to one meal a day, and then she went all-out keto diet that went viral online.

Dining out together, she'd fuss over every gram and calorie, non-stop.

A few months down the line, she was thinner but looked like hell—pale and always beat.

Then, she conked out at the subway station pre-gym.

I scrambled to help.

She was shaking, sweating bullets, her lips white as a sheet—classic signs of a sugar crash.

I tried to get help from nearby, but no dice.

Finally, an old lady handed me a piece of her sugarcane from her pack.

I snapped it into bits on the fly.

But Tina came to her senses and clutched my hand weakly, "Jess, no can do, that cane's a calorie bomb."

Then she blacked out again.

I couldn't be more concerned and just shoved it in her mouth, moving her jaw to help her chew.

At the hospital, doctors said she was damn near starved, could've been worse if we were any later.

But when she woke up, she went nuclear on me.

"Jess, I gained a fraction 'cause of that damn cane! You're just jelly 'cause I'm slimming down!"

I was at a loss for words. If not for that sugarcane, she might've been a goner.

Yet here she was, hung up on a little weight gain and blamed me for it.

As my birthday neared, Tina came crawling back, "Jess, I was out of line. I know you care about my health."

She looked so pitiful, I just melted and forgave her.

All smiles, she promised a big cake for my birthday.

Little did I know, that cake would be my death warrant.

This time around, I'm cutting ties with that frenemy.

She can fast herself into oblivion for all I care—if she croaks, so be it!