Between Us Was My Brother

Chapter 4

"Can't sleep?"

Lila stepped onto the porch.

"Apparently not."

Ryder glanced at the empty chair beside him.

"Join the club."

Lila sat down.

The night air was cool against her skin.

For a few moments, neither of them spoke.

The town was quiet.

Most of the houses nearby were dark.

Only the distant sound of crickets filled the silence.

Lila wrapped both hands around her glass of water.

Beside her, Ryder leaned back in his chair.

The orange glow of his cigarette briefly lit his face before fading again.

"Those things are going to kill you someday," Lila said.

Ryder looked down at the cigarette.

"Probably."

"And you're okay with that?"

"No."

"Then why smoke?"

He shrugged.

"Bad habit."

"That's a terrible excuse."

"It's the only one I've got."

Lila shook her head.

"You're impossible."

"So I've been told."

A small smile tugged at her lips.

For some reason, talking to him felt easier tonight.

Maybe because there was no audience.

No Ethan.

No Rebecca.

No group of friends talking over each other.

Just the two of them.

The way it had never been before.

"You know," she said, "you never actually fixed my finger."

Ryder frowned.

"My what?"

"The fence."

His expression remained blank for two seconds.

Then understanding appeared.

"The mango tree."

"The mango tree."

A laugh escaped him.

"I forgot about that."

"I didn't."

"You cried for almost an hour."

"It hurt."

"It was a scratch."

"It was a serious injury."

"It was absolutely not a serious injury."

Lila tried to look offended.

Failed.

And started laughing.

Ryder laughed too.

The sound was softer than usual.

Less guarded.

The moment surprised her.

For years she had imagined what it would be like to spend time alone with him.

Now that it was happening, it felt strangely normal.

Comfortable.

Not magical.

Not dramatic.

Just nice.

The realization somehow made it even more dangerous.

"How's college?" Ryder asked suddenly.

Lila blinked.

"Good."

"Good?"

"You sound disappointed."

"I expected a longer answer."

"You asked a short question."

"Fair point."

He leaned back again.

"So?"

Lila smiled.

"So what?"

"Tell me something."

She considered it.

Then began talking.

About her classes.

About the friends she had made.

About the professor who seemed to enjoy giving impossible assignments.

To her surprise, Ryder actually listened.

Not the distracted kind of listening most people did.

Real listening.

The kind that made her feel like her words mattered.

When she finally stopped talking, she realized something.

She knew almost nothing about the last two years of his life.

"You never told anyone where you went."

Ryder's gaze shifted toward the darkness beyond the yard.

"I left."

"That's not an answer."

"It wasn't supposed to be."

Lila studied him quietly.

Something changed.

Only slightly.

The easy mood from before seemed to fade.

Not completely.

Just enough for her to notice.

"You don't like talking about it."

"No."

The answer was immediate.

Simple.

Final.

Lila nodded.

She could tell when a door was closed.

So she didn't push.

Instead, she looked up at the stars.

The silence returned.

Not uncomfortable.

Just thoughtful.

A few minutes later, the back door opened.

Both of them turned.

Ethan stepped outside.

His hair looked like he had lost a fight with a tornado.

He stopped when he saw them.

Then narrowed his eyes.

"What are you two doing?"

Lila laughed.

"Existing."

"At midnight?"

"It's not midnight."

"It feels like midnight."

Ethan pointed at Ryder.

"Why are you awake?"

Ryder gestured toward the cigarette.

"Making good life choices."

"Clearly."

Then Ethan pointed at Lila.

"And you?"

"I couldn't sleep."

Ethan looked between them.

His suspicion was so obvious that both of them started laughing.

"What?" Ethan demanded.

"Nothing," Lila said.

"You're both weird."

"You say that every day."

"Because it's true."

A few minutes later, Ethan disappeared back inside.

The moment the door closed behind him, Lila and Ryder laughed again.

"He's ridiculous," she said.

"You're just figuring that out now?"

The conversation lasted another twenty minutes before they finally headed inside.

For the first time in days, Lila fell asleep smiling.

---

The next morning began with shouting.

Lila walked downstairs to find Ethan standing in the kitchen.

"I need help."

"No," Ryder said immediately.

"You don't even know what I need."

"I know enough."

Ethan ignored him and looked at Lila.

"You too."

Lila groaned.

"Why?"

"Because I asked nicely."

"You didn't."

"I was about to."

Ryder grabbed a piece of toast.

"This should be interesting."

Half an hour later, the three of them were heading into town.

Lila still wasn't entirely sure why she had agreed.

Something about picking up supplies.

Something about helping load things.

Most of Ethan's explanations stopped making sense after the first five minutes.

The afternoon passed surprisingly quickly.

They visited several stores.

Ethan complained constantly.

Ryder mocked him constantly.

And somehow, Lila found herself laughing more than she had in weeks.

For the first time, she wasn't watching Ryder from across a room.

She was actually spending time with him.

Getting to know him.

Not the bad boy everyone talked about.

The real person underneath.

As the sun began to set, they started walking back toward the truck.

Ethan had gone ahead to return a cart.

Lila followed a few steps behind.

Distracted.

Not paying attention.

Her sandal caught on a crack in the pavement.

The world tilted.

A startled gasp escaped her.

Then a hand closed around her arm.

Firm.

Steady.

Stopping her before she could fall.

Lila froze.

So did Ryder.

For one brief second, neither moved.

His hand remained around her arm.

Her heartbeat stumbled.

Then Ryder released her immediately.

"You okay?"

His voice sounded normal.

Completely normal.

As if nothing had happened.

"Yeah."

"You sure?"

She nodded.

Ryder studied her for a moment.

Then stepped back.

The little girl he remembered would have been crying by now.

The thought appeared unexpectedly.

And for some reason, it made him pause.

Because somewhere along the way, Ethan's little sister had grown up.

And he was only just beginning to notice.

The thought stayed with him all the way home.