Between His Secret Lover and Me

He had flirted with countless girls in recent years and I thought I was already used to it.

I pretended to be deaf and dumb and he enjoyed it too.

Justin dragged me into hell and I just accompanied him in madness, knowing all about him.

What's even scarier was that I loved him, I actually still love him.

I suppressed all my surges and pretended not to know anything until Justin started asking me how to coax girls. His smile was dazzling, a sight I had never seen before.

Our mutual friend April sent me a screenshot.

[Justin is in love now. I heard that he is very serious this time. He is very careful every day and does not allow others to say a bad word. He is always available. It has been almost a year and they haven't even touched each other.]

The girl in the photo of his post was youthful and beautiful. She was a stunning beauty.

I clicked absentmindedly on Justin's post, enlarging the image of the girl and scrutinizing it repeatedly.

This was the first time he'd posted about a girl on his social media.

He pursued her passionately.

Then what am I?

He had never acknowledged me publicly, calling me a follower, a maid and a vent for his desire.

The first time, I was even forced.

When I snapped out of it, it was already late in the day. The soup I was simmering for him in the kitchen had boiled dry and the kitchen was on fire before I noticed.

In a flurry, I put out the flames, suddenly feeling it was pointless. These five years had lost all meaning.

I waited for Justin while holding onto my blanket. Suddenly, I really wanted to ask him. What was I to him?

He still didn't come back all night and I stayed awake until morning.

Watching the messages I sent from my phone go unanswered, I dialed his number for the first time.

"Justin."

My voice was hoarse as I spoke.

A clear, crisp female voice came from the other end. "Who are you? Justin is on the mountain top, we're watching the sunrise."

I remained silent for a moment and hung up the phone. I had said I hadn't seen the sunrise in five years, but that woman saw it in less than a year.

Looking at the tablet screen, the messages had stopped since yesterday.

[Baby, I'm here!]

Clearly, everyone knew.

I closed my eyes with a bitter feeling, pulled the blanket tightly around me, too exhausted to tend to the burns on my hands.

Several days passed before Justin returned home and when he saw me, he frowned and questioned me sharply.

"Are you crazy? You called me and I had to comfort her for several days, you know?"

He didn't see the burns on my hands, nor the chaos in the kitchen.

"Justin, what am I to you?"

Uttering these words seemed to release the anguish I had been feeling for some time. I looked at him, unable to bear the embarrassment, unable to say the next words.

My hands trembled slightly as I hugged the blanket tighter.

He paused for a moment. "Just a follower, right? Can you really marry me?" he asked.

I pulled up the corners of my mouth. "Yeah, who else would be a follower with additional sleep functions?"

Justin's face darkened and he slammed his phone to the floor.

The loud noise made me flinch, instinctively protecting my head.

"Why are you breaking things? Are you going to hit me like Mrs. Clair?" I trembled as I spoke, trying to keep my voice steady. "Am I wrong? Since you love her so much, let's just end it. It's been five years and I'm tired too."

Justin's smile turned dark, completely different from his earlier sunny demeanor. He leaned in, gripping my chin painfully, causing me to furrow my brows in pain.

Seeing my frown, excitement flashed in his eyes as his fingers caressed me.

"You belong to me for life. Even if we part ways, it's because I don't want you. I told you at the beginning, Cindy, you wanted to do it yourself."

It was indeed my own will.

He liked me very much in bed at the beginning and asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend afterwards.

I was abused by Mrs. Clair and he was the only one who treated me well. He even took me to school, so I could go to school.

I had never seen the sun and I had never experienced true love.

Justin was like a bowl of poison. Drinking it or not was just the difference between dying faster or slower.

But I still drank it, because he was the only light I could see in my gloomy life at that time.

I regarded him as my only salvation.