Be My Own Light

When I was two months pregnant, Julian asked me to give his childhood friend a blood transfusion. I refused because I was anemic, but his friends were all saying that I ignored the overall situation.

"Anne is lying in the operating room and you're the only one with a matching blood type. What's wrong with donating a little blood?" After saying that, several of them grabbed me and pushed me inside.

A fleeting moment of sympathy crossed Julian's eyes, but he steeled himself. "It's just a blood transfusion. Our child will be okay." I stopped struggling. A tear slid down my cheek.

After the transfusion, I dragged my weakened body to the gynecology and obstetrics department to have an abortion.

——

I stayed in the hospital alone for three days after the surgery, while Julian remained by Anne's side all the time. My womb was empty, but the pain was piercing my heart.

I ran into Julian, Anne and many of his friends when I got discharged. I was carrying my backpack alone, but Anne had Julian to help her walk.

Julian momentarily paused when he saw me. "Why are you still at the hospital?"

"Nothing." I hid the miscarriage and walked out the door with a pale face.

"We'll leave together," he said, grabbing my arm in a tone that left no room for argument.

Anne quickly entered the front passenger seat when we reached the car. Then she said with an innocent expression and sparkling eyes, "Scarlett, I just had stomach ulcer surgery and got carsick easily. Could you please let me have this seat?"

I didn't argue and opened the door to the back seat, but his friends all rushed in. Now, three grown men squeezed into the backseat at once. They stared at me with hostility.

"Scarlett, Anne is still weak. We'll all come to your house to take care of her."

I looked toward Julian in the driver's seat. His face was stiff, but he didn't say a word to refute them. I smiled bitterly as the sound of cicadas filled the air. How could I still have expectations for this man?

Julian's friends hated me. They thought he was perfect for Anne and saw me as a villain trying to break them up.

They treated me like a servant in my own house and Julian never once defended me. Even if I was pregnant with his child, I still had to give Anne a blood transfusion. They didn't even say thank you at the end; they just said it was my honor.

It wasn't the first time I'd been mistreated, but it was the first time I'd chosen to accept it without a fight. "Fine, I'll head home on my own."

I shut the car door and walked off ahead of them. It was rush hour, so I couldn't even catch a cab. As someone who had recently had an abortion, I wandered for an hour in the searing heat to come home.

I was greeted by harsh complaints when I pushed the door open.

"Scarlett, why are you so slow? We've been home for ages."

"We haven't eaten all night. Come on, let's taste your cooking again."

I turned my gaze to Julian and Anne. It was a sweltering summer day and the air conditioning was off because they didn't want the fragile Anne to catch a cold. Julian sat beside her, fanning her with a paper fan.

Despite breaking into a sweat himself, he ignored it entirely and kept fawning over Anne. Sam shouted after seeing I was quiet, "Julian, we're all starving! Tell your wife to cook us something to eat!"