Aria's Choice

- An Admirer

Of all the days for it to rain, it had to pick my only day off. I usually work at the diner on Sundays, but Patrick closed it down for the day, due to the flu hitting three of the five workers at the diner, himself included. As much as I need the money, the time off is much needed, as well. I have been running myself rugged and need a little reprieve. I allow myself to sleep in until ten in the morning, and then I drag myself out of bed just to sit in front of the television for a few hours, drinking coffee and eating Cocoa Puffs out of the box.

By one o’clock the rain has slowed to a drizzle, and I make the decision to visit my mom. Maybe I’ll get lucky and Dr. Hildreth will have a day off. Just once I would like to visit my mother without him accosting me about taking her off life support. I am so thankful that Mr. Sanders fixed the plumbing by the time I got home early Saturday morning. I make quick work washing my body and hair. I do spare a few minutes to shave my legs and lady bits, which were really needing it, after not doing it in over a week. Once I’m done, I dry myself off and step out to lotion up and get dressed. Applying only a little mascara and lip gloss, I throw my mass of wavy hair into a high ponytail and call it good. Looking in the full-length mirror to make sure I at least look put together enough, I grab my jacket and leave my tiny apartment, locking my door behind me.

Jogging to the bus stop, I am relieved to see that there is only one other person waiting for the bus, so I am able to duck into the small seating area to get out of the drizzle. The other occupant sitting on the bench is an elderly woman with a cane. She smiles up at me as I enter and pats the seat beside her without saying anything. Smiling back, I take the offered seat and we sit there in silence until the bus arrives. The woman struggles a little to stand up, so I gently help her to stand, and we make our way to the bus. I stand behind her while she climbs the steps, just in case she needs more help, but she’s able to get herself up into the bus and into one of the front seats. As I pass her to head back to my usual seat, she catches my wrist, drawing my attention down to her.

“Thank you for all your help, dear. You are too kind.” She smiles sadly, “I wish there were more people like you in this world.”

I pat her frail hand and smile back, “You’re welcome.” I’m not used to people showing me gratitude, so I don’t really know what else to say. The woman nods and releases my wrist, letting me continue to the back of the bus.

Aside from the normal beeping coming from the machines, all is quiet as I step off the elevator onto the floor that my mother’s hospital room is on. The desk nurse looks up and gives me a warm smile as I pass. I return the smile and keep going. If there are any concerns with my mom then she would have stopped me and went over whatever it is, so I’m relieved that she did not call me over. The whole staff knows my feelings on letting my mom go, so most regard me with sympathy and smile, while a few others think I’m being selfish, and they try to avoid me as much as possible.

Being only five foot three inches tall, I have to stand on my tippy toes to look through the window on the door, to make sure no one else is in the room with my mother. I do not like disturbing the doctors or nurses when they are in doing their rounds. Slowly pushing the door open, I creep inside the room as though my mom is only sleeping, and I do not want to wake her. It has been a habit of mine ever since she was admitted here. I walk over to the chair that I always sit in and bring it to her bedside. Just as I’m about to sit down, I notice a bouquet of flowers on her nightstand. I reach over and remove the card from its holder so I can see who they are from. I am the only one that has ever brought flowers to my mom. My forehead creases as I read the card…

You are missed!

My thoughts and prayers

are with you!

‘Who could have sent this?’ I think to myself. “Do you have an admirer, mom?” I ask her jokingly.

It doesn’t matter. It makes me happy knowing that there is someone out there that is thinking of my mother. A warm feeling comes over me at the thought, and I look down at my hands absently, as I twirl the piece of twine around my finger. Not knowing why I’m choosing this moment to think of Knox, but it helps to give me peace and calms the little bit of anxiety from not knowing who sent my mom the flowers. That’s what Knox always did for me. He calmed me when I needed it and brought peace when there was chaos. I really wish that he were still in my life. I could use his presence during these dark times.

Placing the card back in its holder, I sit back and begin to recount everything that has happened since I last visited. Laughing as I give a play by play of the fiasco at the Morrison’s house on Friday. It’s laughable now but horrifying at the time it took place. I know mom would find it amusing and I hope that she can hear me and is laughing on the inside. I let my laugh fizzle away when reality starts rushing in.

I grab her soft hand and bring it to my lips to kiss, “Oh, mom, it’s so hard. I need you so much. Please, please wake up soon!” A single tear rolls down my cheek, “I’m not going to lie, mama, I’m scared. I feel all alone, no matter how many people I’m around each day, it doesn’t chase away the loneliness inside.” I swipe the tear off my face, “I don’t know how much I can go on like this. I am wearing myself out, so you need to wake up. Do you hear me? It's not time for you to go, and I won’t give up on you!” The last breaks me, and the flood gates open. I sit there for a while just letting it all out, until there is nothing left.

The sky is beginning to darken, so I look at the time. Not realizing how long I have been sitting here, I give my mom back her hand and stand up, stretching the kinks out of my muscles. Putting the chair back into its place, I lean in and kiss my mom goodbye. I sneak out the same way I sneak in, very quietly. The same nurse is at the front desk, so I stop to inquire about the flowers. Unfortunately, a flower shop delivered them, so there is no way of knowing who sent them. Sighing, I head to the elevator and hit the down button.

It has been two days since the diner has been shut down, and I just received a text from Patrick that we will be closed tomorrow as well. Apparently, it’s a really bad virus, and now Beth has it too. I am beginning to freak out because I need that pay that I’m missing out on. I guess I can go on social media and put an ad up that I am looking for housekeeping work, but that isn’t reliable. I check my bank account on the mobile app and feel my stomach drop. There is less than two hundred in my account and rent is due next week, along with my electric and water bill. The tip money I got from Man Bun and Faux Hawk went straight to the hospital bill. Losing the job at the bar was irresponsible of me! I do not know what I’m going to do!

I toss my phone on the couch and grab the dirty laundry, “Pretty soon I’ll have to wash these by hand because I’ll need the money.” I mumble aloud. I make sure I have my house key and then head downstairs to the basement where the laundry room is. I hate coming down here because it is so creepy. A single bulb that hangs down from the middle of the ceiling is the only lighting. It’s not even an LED one, at least those are a little brighter than the cheap ones the manager uses. Trying to hurry so I can get out of here, I throw all my clothes in one of the machines and insert the coins. Just as I’m about to start it, I remember that I didn’t empty out my pockets. Frustration runs through me as I rummage through every item of clothing. The only thing I find is an empty gum wrapper, which is weird because I don’t even remember the last time I chewed gum, and the business card the customer from the diner gave to me. Shutting the machine door once more, I start it and then sprint all the way upstairs, and to think that I have to go back down there two more times.