After My 99th Suicide, I Forgot My Alpha

Before the dizziness even subsided, two guards were dragging me roughly into the Purification Chamber. I could hear the whispers from outside the sanctuary as clearly as if they were standing next to me.

"Is that the Alpha's lunatic mate? I heard her wolf was broken in the attack, and now she spouts all that nonsense about someone trying to kill her."

"Thank the Goddess for Vivian. Otherwise, that basket case would be our Luna."

"She should be on her knees, grateful she finally has a chance to prove she's worth something..."

Every word was a silver needle piercing my nerves, but strangely, my wolf didn't react.

I lay on the cold bloodstone slab, and through the sanctuary's stained-glass window, I saw Zander kneeling at the main altar. His large hand was clasped around Vivian's delicate one, praying devoutly.

And I was just an outsider.

The silver ritual knife slid into my vein. A burning sensation spread through my body, but even the pain felt distant, as if shrouded in mist, just like the emotions that should have been destroying me. They had all been washed away by my amnesia.

It seemed that forgetting was the Moon Goddess's final mercy.

The ritual lasted for a full hour. When the pack healer had finished drawing the precious Alpha-mate blood from my body, I walked out of the chamber, my face ashen, my vision swimming.

I leaned against the cold stone wall, gathering my strength before forcing myself to walk to Zander. He was focused on channeling the life force from my blood into Vivian, his amber eyes filled with a tenderness I had never seen.

"Alpha," my voice was a whisper. "Can you tell me... where I live?"

Zander didn't even look at me. "What game is this? Have you finally gone so mad you've forgotten where you live?"

"No, I've lost my memory..."

He was silent for a few seconds before reciting an address.

"Ember," he said, stopping me. "I'm staying at the sanctuary tonight to watch over Vivian. You... should get some rest."

It was one of the few times he'd ever offered me an explanation. Perhaps he felt a sliver of guilt for draining me to save Vivian.

"I understand. Thank you."

Seeing how calm I was, Zander's eyes flickered with confusion, but he didn't ask any more questions. I had no idea how many times the old me had cried and fought with him over Vivian, but now, none of it mattered to me anymore.

I stared at him. I was going to give Zander one last gift.

My dear Alpha, this is a gift you will never forget.

Settling into the back of the car, I closed my eyes, gathering what little strength I had left. I reached out with my mind, sending a desperate message across the distance—Chloe.

I tried to call the name through a mind-link.

"Chloe?"

A few seconds later, a gentle female voice echoed in my mind.

"Ember? Oh, gods, you finally contacted me! Are you all right?"

"Chloe, I need you to immediately prepare the materials for the ancient rejection ritual. And a full set of identity documents for the neutral territories in Europe. I'll explain everything else later."

There was a long silence on the other end of the link.

"Ember, are you sure? Once you perform the rejection ritual, your mate bond with Zander will be severed completely."

"I'm sure."

"All right, I understand. Give me three days."

I stared out the window at the forest rushing by. Every ancient tree had witnessed my humiliation, every leaf was stained with my tears. Amnesia was the Moon Goddess's gift of rebirth—a chance to sever the past completely and find true freedom.

"Change of plans," I told the driver. "Take me to the pack's records office."

The driver's shocked eyes met mine in the rearview mirror, his knuckles white on the steering wheel. "My Lady, are you sure?"

"I'm sure."

The process at the records office was smoother than I expected. The clerk, trembling, informed me that the formal papers for my departure would be ready in two weeks.

As I got back into the car, I hesitated for a moment. "Don't report today's events to the Alpha."

The driver's hands trembled on the wheel. "My Lady... the Alpha has forbidden us from speaking your name in his presence. He says... your very existence is a disgrace to him."

I managed a faint smile. That wasn't surprising, was it? Zander despised me so much that my name had become a curse to him.

The car stopped in front of a luxurious villa.

This was my home with Zander.

I pushed open the door. The villa was opulent but cold, devoid of any warmth that would make it a home. In the mating ceremony photo on the wall, my gaze toward Zander was full of adoration, while his smile was so convincing it almost made me believe it was real.

I ripped the photo from the wall without a flicker of emotion and tossed it into the fireplace. It didn't deserve to exist.

As I was packing in the bedroom, a blood-red leather-bound journal fell to the floor with a dull thud. My name was written on the cover.

I opened it to the first page.

The very first line was jarring:

They haven't given up on me. My escape meant nothing because I still carry the one thing they want: the dormant blood of a Moon Goddess descendant. They're still hunting me, even though I've already escaped.

First "accident": The night of the mating ceremony, someone drugged my wine. I nearly jumped from the balcony in a hallucinatory state. Zander said I was mentally unstable and unworthy of being his Luna.

48th "accident": The brake line on my car was cut. It plunged toward a cliff. In that life-or-death moment, I smelled a familiar perfume, but Zander said I was being paranoid.

76th "accident": Silver dust was sprinkled in my food. I was in a coma for three days. When I woke up, I heard Vivian telling a nurse, "It would be better if a waste of space like that just died."

99th "accident": The railing on the rooftop was corroded with a silver compound. I nearly fell to my death. They all said I was trying to kill myself for attention. If I can't find any proof, I'm really going to give up...

The last sentence was scrawled in red ink, the handwriting shaky and desperate.

"They all want me dead."

I closed the diary, my heart pounding. The sealed-off memories slammed against my mind like a floodgate breaking—I had never tried to kill myself.

I sank to the floor, wrapping my arms around my trembling body.

For three years, I hadn't been a lunatic. I had been prey.

Hunted relentlessly by my enemies, and utterly abandoned by the very people I trusted most, I was tortured bit by bit until I was broken.

"They all want me dead," I whispered to the moonlit room. "But I'm going to live. I'm going to live a better life than all of them combined."

From now on, Ember, you will love yourself.