A Million Nights Without You

He carried me on his back and sprinted to the nurse's office. A twenty-minute walk, and he covered it in six.

Outside the infirmary door, Lance kept watch the entire night.

His sweat soaked through his shirt, but his heart wouldn't stop racing.

Every time he brought it up afterward, guilt would cloud his face. He'd pull me into his arms and press his lips to every inch of skin he could reach.

I remembered so clearly how much he loved me, down to his very bones.

But the Lance in front of me now had nothing in his eyes but mockery. He let out a cold laugh.

“Ina, look at him. He can barely manage a meal. What's there to be upset about?”

“Joyce, your son isn't like normal people. Stop trying so hard.”

The words drove into my chest like a blade. Acid bitterness flooded my chest.

“Mikey, let's go.”

I took my son's hand and wiped the stains from his clothes.

But the moment I turned, someone grabbed a fistful of my hair and wrenched me back.

“Joyce. How long are you going to keep hiding?”

My father had my hair twisted in his grip. That familiar face was now creased with wrinkles.

“I've been looking for you two for sixteen years. I knew the SATs would flush you out.”

“Dump this bastard child and come home with me!”

Mike struggled to push my father's hand away, his words slurred and desperate.

“Let go of Mommy. Let go of Mommy.”

My father shoved Mike aside with one hand. “Joyce, you're barely in your thirties. Ditch this idiot and you can still find someone.”

“No!” I begged. “Mike has his exam today. Can this wait? Please?”

“Wait?” My father's eyes went wide. “If I let you go now, will I ever find you again?”

He started dragging me toward the door.

“Lance, help me.”

I reached for him, helpless. His eyes were dark, unreadable.

The next second, Mike, stumbling backward, crumpled to the floor.

“Mikey!” I tore free of my father, barely registering the searing pain in my scalp, and threw myself down beside him. The pepper in the steak. It hit me all at once.

I never imagined he'd inherit even Lance's allergy.

“Lance, take us to the hospital. I'm begging you.”

His expression stayed cold, but the car tore through every light. I didn't breathe again until Mike was out of danger.

Mike looked up at me, face white as paper. “Mom, can I still take my SATs?”

I smoothed his hair. “Don't worry. The doctor said once the IV's done, you can leave.”

He managed a small smile. “Mom, thank you. I won't let you down.”

I already knew that. My Mikey had always been incredible.

He'd endured more hardship in his years than I had in mine. He went from crying in secret to learning how to smile and shake his head instead.

During those homeless days, we watched so many night skies together. He'd put his arm around me and say:

“Mom, someday I'm going to make something of myself. No one's ever going to look down on you again.”

He'd gaze up at the stars. That was where his love of astronomy lived, and where his dream lived too.

The SATs were the only key that could break that lock.

I tucked the blanket around him and stepped out of the room to thank Lance.

“I'll pay you back for the hospital bill as soon as I can.”

I paused, then added:

“Please don't tell anyone which room Mike is in. I'm afraid my father will come after us.”

Lance didn't answer for a long time. He just studied me.

“Joyce, wasn't being with me good enough?”

“You had to go whoring around off campus and bring back a fatherless cripple.”

I lowered my eyes.

No one knew the real reason Mike was the way he was. On his second birthday, someone told him his father was outside the window. He pushed it open, tumbled out onto the awning below, and the fall damaged his brain.

Lance went on. “The night you cheated on me, I was working an overnight shift just to cover rent on that apartment.”