A Lab Rat for His Love

I've been chasing after Howard Chapman for 20 years. A week before our graduation ceremony, we slept together every night, burning through ten boxes of condoms in just as many days.

When I bring him our 11th box of condoms, he turns me away as he's working on his thesis. Worried about his health, I buy him some supplements instead. But as I stand outside his door, about to hand them over, I catch him poking holes in the condoms.

His friend chuckles and says, "You're still sneaking Selena Reed birth control pills, huh? You're the only one who'd cook up such a scheme. Selena doesn't know she's already swallowed ten of them, does she? If she did, she'd throw a huge tantrum."

Howard snorts. "I wouldn't even touch her if I didn't need her to try the pills and help me figure out which one causes the fewest side effects.

"Lizzy's got a weak immune system. She's not as tough as Selena, so I have to be more careful with her. Besides, Selena and I are engaged. There'll be plenty of time to nurse her back to health after the wedding. I won't owe her anything."

His friends cackle at his response.

"You're not wrong. Selena's been pursuing you for 20 years. She's probably over the moon to marry you. She'd probably hand you her uterus if you asked for it—birth control pills are nothing to her."

Howard had just proposed to me yesterday, in front of the whole college.

My tears spatter onto the supplement box as I turn to leave. Howard has made his choice, and it's only right that I honor it.

I'd been in love with Howard Chapman for 20 years. In the week leading up to our graduation, we slept together every night and went through ten boxes of condoms in seven days.

After he turned me away when I offered him the 11th box, I bought him some supplements instead. As I stood outside, waiting to hand them over, I saw him poking holes in his condoms while his friends looked on, cackling.

Listening as he explained how he'd only slept with me so that I could test out birth control pills for his "Lizzy"—full name Melissa Lane—I cried. After all, he'd just proposed to me in front of the entire college yesterday.

Inside the room, Howard continued speaking. Eight hours ago, he'd gone down on one knee and promised to love me forever. Now, less than a day later, I felt as though his mocking words were stabbing me. Goosebumps rose all over my body.

His friends clinked glasses with him and said, "Rehearsing your proposal in front of the whole college is something only you could come up with. That scene today was so grand. If I were a woman, I would've married you for sure!"

"Selena has liked you for a long time, hasn't she? She's probably crying tears of joy right now, too preoccupied to think about your relationship with Melissa."

"I heard you went on a trip with her last week. Selena's got a nice body, right? How does she compare to Melissa?"

Howard smirked, lust sparking in his eyes. "They're two different types of women. That said, Selena is a spoiled, pampered woman. She isn't as gentle or warm as Melissa. Now, that's the stuff of daydreams…"

His roommates roared with laughter. One of them punched him jokingly on the shoulder.

"In that case, you'd better get your fill before you get married. Selena's so conservative. She'll probably keep you on a tight leash after marriage."

Howard clicked his tongue in annoyance.

The others immediately chipped in to smooth things over.

"Way to hit a nerve. Since you know Howard's going to be hard to drag out soon, shouldn't you be squeezing in as much fun as possible before that?"

"Selena's the type to lose her head over love. Howard will be able to tame her easily with that silver tongue of his. Maybe she'll even deliver his condoms when he needs them in the future. Ha!"

Grinning, Howard said, "She's been in love with me for years. She's probably celebrating the mere fact I'm willing to marry her. Selena having a say in what I do? Yeah, dream on."

Everyone cheered. I felt winded, like I'd been punched in the gut.

Just as a waiter walked over with a tray of drinks, I ran out of the club.

It was raining cats and dogs outside. I was soaked to the bone.

Initially, I had come here to give Howard a surprise. However, I was the one who ended up shocked to the core.

Last Friday, Howard told me he wanted to create some beautiful memories with me before graduating. So, he booked a room for us in one of the hotels owned by the Chapman Corporation.

The room was elaborately decorated, with petals on the bed and on the floor. I thought this was how he expressed his love for me, since I'd always believed he wasn't much of a talker.

To fulfill his wish, I put aside my dignity and went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. Never in my wildest dreams would I have guessed that everything he'd done was a practice run as he learned how to date a woman.

I wasn't the woman he actually wanted to date.

The rain mingled with the tears streaming down my face as I walked back to my apartment after failing to hail a cab.

My phone buzzed repeatedly—the only sound in my empty home. It was our class group chat. Howard's roommates were sending videos of their gathering, calling it a way to preserve fond memories.

Clicking into the videos, I saw someone else had joined them. It was Melissa. She was sitting with the group of rowdy boys while Howard slung his arm protectively around her. When they tried to get her to drink, Howard drank for her.

Within a few minutes, his face was flushed. Whether it was from the alcohol or from the closeness of Melissa, no one knew.

I turned my phone off.

Suddenly, the past 20 years of my life felt utterly meaningless.

Melissa had been our classmate. She came from humble beginnings.

At first, Howard looked down on her. He thought she had no business being in the same class as him, as she was just a naive village girl. I'd even advised him not to judge a book by its cover.

Because of her poverty, Melissa was bullied by the other girls. I was the one who helped her when she got cornered in the restroom and mocked. When her period came early and blood soaked through her skirt during a track meet at school, I brought her to the restroom.

Without me realizing it, Howard had grown close to her. The boy I'd grown up with became someone else overnight. He started asking me to help Melissa and showed concern over her.

This brought me significant anxiety, and I felt sad because he'd begun neglecting me for her.

However, Howard only consoled me calmly, "We're the ones who are going to be engaged. Why should you feel threatened? She's like a pitiful little cat. Helping her is something I should do anyway. Don't be so petty."

Only then did I realize that the only thing holding our relationship together was what our families stood to gain from our marriage.

The feelings I'd harbored for 20 years meant nothing to him.

Just as I was about to submit my overseas transfer application form, a message popped up on my phone.